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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26871529">Domino Effect</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarTrekkin08/pseuds/StarTrekkin08'>StarTrekkin08</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Trek: Voyager</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Affairs, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Romance, Choose Your Own Adventure, Choose Your Own Ending, Depression, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Heavy Angst, Loneliness, Mild Fluff, Multi, Partner Betrayal, Post-Episode: s07e25 Endgame (Star Trek: Voyager), Romantic Angst, Sex, The Author Regrets Nothing, Throwing in lots of tags, You Have Been Warned, additional tags in alternate endings, dark?</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 19:22:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>26,860</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26871529</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarTrekkin08/pseuds/StarTrekkin08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Kathryn feels like she's losing her friendship with Chakotay and it's tearing her apart.</p><p>Who will pick up the pieces? Will she find love? Or will it be her undoing?</p><p>This is a choose your own adventure story.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ayala/Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway, Ayala/Kathryn Janeway, Chakotay &amp; Kathryn Janeway, Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway, some Chakotay/Seven of Nine because of canon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>JCA Sandwich stories</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Domino Effect</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is a choose you own adventure story. The choice of endings are the following chapters. At the end of the body to this story, there will be a brief hint at what is in the branched parts and warnings and/or additional tags are in the notes of each chapter before you read the ending.</p><p>Just beware. This is a very angsty/hurt story and is not fluffy in the different endings. It's kinda dark in that way. Comfort varies from no comfort to mild  comfort. So if that's not your thing, you might want to skip this one. </p><p>A special thanks to my betas for the bulk story: jalexmac, Dawn47, and jemabean when I had it under the working title of, "Toxic." The alternate endings are un-beta'd and are all on me and are just as much as a surprise for them. So blame your tortured soul on me. Sorry, not sorry. ;)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kathryn felt a hand touch her shoulder. She groaned and barely opened her eyes.</p><p>"Captain, wake up. It is 09:00. Did your alarm not go off?" the stale voice said.</p><p>Her eyes closed, she mumbled, "Like an hour will make a difference in the Delta Quadrant. Let me sleep. Chakotay can handle it."</p><p>"Are you unwell, captain? It is not like you to oversleep. We were worried."</p><p>She sighed, grumbled, and flipped onto her other side with her hand upon the pillow.</p><p>"Can't a woman just sleep in for once? Is that too much to ask for a captain, Tuvok?" her rocky voice muttered.</p><p>Apparently, that was enough for him to leave her quarters as she heard a swish of her doors after the footsteps walked away.</p><p>If it had been a morning even a year ago there would have been two pairs of footsteps.</p><p>But it was just one pair.</p><p>Chakotay apparently didn't find it concerning enough to visit.</p><p>...</p><p>The next day Chakotay didn't ask. All he said was that it took seven-and-a-half years for her to sleep in.</p><p>Of course, she used to have an additional incentive to get up in the morning. Not so much anymore.</p><p>Kathryn was feeling a little rough for wear today. Okay, maybe for awhile. She knew Chakotay had been dating Seven for six months and it looked like a serious relationship was on the rise.</p><p>Her stomach was tight each morning. How could one person be so dependent on one person?</p><p>The burdens he used to carry on her behalf had become hers to bear alone, and she would not let them destroy her. Whether her dependence on him would be severed with the bluntness of a bat'leth or the precision of a scalpel, she had to find the courage to make the cut.</p><p>She felt numb as the love she had carried within shed into a thousand tears that she was forced to swallow.</p><p>Kathryn had just left engineering after helping B'Elanna. It seemed that everything was coming apart down there, and it matched her soul. The warp core hummed in the hollowness of its metal cage, EPS relays dimmed in their casings, and the bio-neural gel packs seemed devoid of life. The relief she felt at getting her hands dirty engineering was palpable, even though she constantly told herself she was not hiding or licking her wounds.</p><p>She drug her feet as she entered the mess hall, grabbed some coffee and then went looking for something to eat. In the past, she might have had lunch with her first officer as they talked about the crew, but he was busy elsewhere. The lack of Neelix's cheerful presence created a void that could not quite be filled, although Tom tried his best to brighten her spirits. She almost wished for Neelix to come out of the kitchen offering some type of leola root concoction or a coffee substitute, with a side of gossip or ideas for improving crew morale ideas. She could surely use one or a hundred of those ideas right now.</p><p>Kathryn sat down and bent her head down with a large sigh. She was tired, both physically and mentally, but knew she needed to try to eat. Picking up the fork, she moved the food around on her plate, more than she ate.</p><p>"Captain, are you alright? You seem a bit down," a voice said with a worried tone.</p><p>She looked up to find Lieutenant Mike Ayala standing by her table. Kathryn plastered a fake captain's mask and replied, "Yes, lieutenant. I'm just a bit worn out after helping in engineering."</p><p>Ayala nodded to the chair and asked, "Would you mind some company? I've noticed that you've been sitting alone and wondered if you'd like a change."</p><p>Kathryn gave a soft smile and blinked at the surprise. Usually she sat with either Chakotay or Tuvok. However, Chakotay had been a ghost and Tuvok hadn’t been in the mess hall lately. It's not like she was going to get any offers to join her misery anytime soon. She replied, "Sure, why not?"</p><p>From that day on, if they happened to be in the mess hall at the same time, he would ask if she wanted company and most times she accepted.</p><p>Ayala told her stories about his two sons, his late wife, and his life in the Maquis. She talked to him about her Academy days and about her mother and sister. They had a little fun rating Chell’s best and worst meals as if they were professional critics. In the midst of chaos, their companionship was both soothing and therapeutic.</p><p> </p><p>...</p><p>Two months after that first shared meal, Kathryn invited Mike to join her in a game of velocity. She heard the words come out of her mouth before she formed them in her mind, and before she could retrieve them, he had accepted. The following month, he invited her to accompany him on a hike in the holodeck, as he was an avid adventurer. Gradually, the gray cloud of depression that had surrounded her began to lift. She even laughed for the first time in a very long time at a joke he shared. Her laughter caught her off guard so much so tears began to form in the crevices of her eyes.</p><p>"Well, I know I'm funny, but I didn't think it was that funny," he joked.</p><p>"I haven't laughed in..." her smile started to drop as she honestly couldn't remember.</p><p>"I'm glad I could help. Usually my sons just groan at my jokes. Looks like I've found a new audience who will appreciate them."</p><p> </p><p>...</p><p>Chakotay looked at the console by his command chair, sneaking a look in her direction.</p><p>She seemed... different recently. The captain was more... positive? Glowy? When did that start? Or rather, when did she stop? Did she change her hair? Was it her makeup?</p><p>Kathryn had been working on different projects throughout the ship. Maybe the change he noticed was just that she was now on the bridge again.</p><p>Chakotay pondered the change in her for a while as he pretended to work. He had told her about the relationship forming between Seven and himself about eight months ago. Although she had taken it with dignity and gave her blessing, he could tell there was some awkwardness. Whether it was because she had feelings or because he had delayed in telling her, his closest friend and confidant, he couldn't pinpoint. If she found him and Seven together in Astrometrics, Kathryn would quickly drop off a PADD and leave the room. It was what it was.</p><p>He couldn’t help but wonder what had changed with her. Honestly, he had become a little infuriated with himself as he realized he didn't have much of an idea because they didn't talk that much anymore. They used to talk about everything. They used to have dinners together that just fell to the wayside even before he had told her about Seven. In fact, they hadn't had lunch or dinner together in... a long while. He did remember saying something about rainchecks. Maybe another time.</p><p><br/>
...</p><p>Chakotay was talking with Harry about the fact he couldn't believe Miral was almost one when the turbolift doors opened.</p><p>"No, you can't tell me," he heard Kathryn say to Mike as he and Harry glanced at the now open lift.</p><p>Kathryn was smiling, bemused, looking a little flushed. It was understandable, given she was in workout clothes as was Mike. Their clothes were stained with sweat and they were breathing heavily. He figured they must've been playing velocity or had taken a run.</p><p>Chakotay nodded politely as he said, "Captain."</p><p>"Commander, Ensign," she said with a nod.</p><p>Chakotay smelled her perfume as they walked by, and it caught him by surprise. Was it stronger? Or did he forget the scent? Or was it because they hadn't been in very close proximity to each other?</p><p>"So Tom has been thinking of a Tommy the Targ theme," Harry said, resuming their conversation.</p><p>Chakotay thought about how Kathryn was wearing the red sleeveless workout tank and how it always looked striking on her.</p><p>"...Chakotay?"</p><p>"Hmm? Oh, yeah, that sounds good," he said as they continued walking.</p><p> </p><p>....</p><p>A month later.</p><p>"Anything the godmother and godfather would like to say?" Tom asked at Miral's first birthday party in the mess hall.</p><p>Kathryn picked Miral up onto her hip and said, "You are growing as quickly as a targ, Miral," Kathryn said.</p><p>Everyone laughed.</p><p>"I love being your godmother. It's very rewarding," she said as she looked at the infant.</p><p>'You're the best thing to happen besides Naomi on this cursed ship,' she thought.</p><p>Kathryn's blue eyes sunk into the shining brown eyes looking up at her. The innocent one-year-old has a full life ahead of her. Did the captain of Voyager doom Naomi and Miral to a loveless life similar to her own?</p><p>"Captain?" B'Elanna asked.</p><p>Kathryn realizes she is staring at Miral. She clears her throat and says, "Happy birthday, Miral. Well, I better hand you to your godfather before he accuses me of hogging you too much," she said with a forced smile and before handing Miral to him. Kathryn joins the crowd and slowly backs away towards the doors.</p><p>Chakotay talked about the time when he babysat Miral and she soiled her diaper in pea green poop.</p><p>"Why are you leaving so early? What's wrong?" She heard over her shoulder.</p><p>"Huh?" Kathryn said to Ayala.</p><p>Mike replied, "Something's bothering you, captain."</p><p>"Nothing's bothering me."</p><p>"Yes, there is."</p><p>Kathryn didn't say anything.</p><p>"Well?" Mike continued.</p><p>She deflected with, "What?"</p><p>Mike crossed his arms and said, "What is it?"</p><p>"Let's not sour the party," she said.</p><p>"Ooh. That’s rough."</p><p>The way he said it created a haphazard smile under her squint of disbelief.</p><p>...<br/>
The next day.</p><p>"You've been spending more time with Ayala, I see," Chakotay said on the bridge.</p><p>Kathryn's eyes gazing at the PADD in hand, she said smoothly, "Yes, we have. We just talk about work and stuff. It's been good. I've learned more about our crewmen on the lower decks."</p><p>She heard Chakotay ask, "Do you mind if I join you guys sometime?"</p><p>Kathryn looked up from her PADD towards Chakotay and steely answered, "No, you and whoever else is welcome to join. You can pick something for us to do. Since you're in charge of the duty roster you can also find a time that works for everyone. I know you've been so busy lately."</p><p>"Alright, then," Chakotay said, noticing the slight jab.</p><p> </p><p>...</p><p>Chakotay invited Kathryn, Ayala, Seven, B'Elanna, and Sam. Tom and Harry had already scheduled to have Captain Proton action. Naomi joined the two men in their science fiction holoprogram. The Doctor looked after Miral and Tuvok politely declined joining the others. The setting consisted of a long picnic table by a lake with camping chairs nearby. As soon as the group could change clothes after their shifts they met in the holodeck.</p><p>Chakotay, Seven, and Sam sat on one side of the table. Mike, Kathryn, and B'Elanna faced them while they ate their dinner.</p><p>They all talked about this and that. The ship, funny stories, and whatnot. Seven leaned over and stole a kiss from Chakotay. He was worried that Kathryn would be uncomfortable with that. However, Kathryn did not notice because she was talking with Mike.</p><p>'We used to be close and have chats like that,' Chakotay thought.</p><p>They all took a stroll around the lake. Chakotay and Seven held hands while they walked in front of the others. Mike offered his arm to Kathryn and she took it. Sam and B'Elanna gave each other a knowing look.</p><p>Sam leaned in to B'Elanna and whispered, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking? That the captain and Ayala are growing awfully close?"</p><p>"I think so. They've been talking a lot. I was surprised that Chakotay invited Ayala to a group function. He usually does bro things with him like Tom and Harry do," B'Elanna responded.</p><p>Sam commented, "Do you think Chakotay suspects it, too?."</p><p>B'Elanna said, "Did you see Chakotay after Seven kissed him? He looked disappointed the captain didn't notice it."</p><p>"Smells like trouble," Sam sighed.</p><p>With a frustrated voice B'Elanna stated, "Well, that's what that P'tak gets for dating Ms. Blondie here. But, if the captain needs to be with someone, I'm glad it's Mike out of everyone else. "</p><p>Sam nodded and they discussed romantic novels which they had been sharing with each other.</p><p>When the group finished making a loop around the lake, Chakotay turned his back towards the others. He asked, "Who's ready for some s'mores?" Chakotay noticed Mike and Kathryn arm-in-arm as they gave their affirmation. He quickly turned his head back forward at the sight.</p><p> </p><p>…</p><p>They let their sticks hover over the Tuvok-approved fire while they sat in their chairs.</p><p>Kathryn reigned in her golden marshmallows from the fire and eased them onto the chocolate-covered graham cracker.</p><p>"Mike, your marshmallows are burning!" Kathryn exclaimed next to him.</p><p>"I know. I like them that way," he chuckled.</p><p>"I've never intentionally tried to burn food. How can you like them burnt?" Kathryn laughed.</p><p>"Don't knock it 'till you've tried it. I felt the same way about burning them until my boys made me try it."</p><p>Kathryn shook her head at the thought of eating burnt marshmallows.</p><p>Mike said "I'll make the next one for you. If you don't like it, I'll eat the rest. After all, we are explorers, aren't we?"</p><p>They all laughed and she agreed.</p><p>Mike handed Kathryn the second burnt s'more he made. She gingerly took a small bite and covered her mouth. She laughed as she chewed on the gooey mess.</p><p>Mike said, "So? What's the verdict? Revolting or amazing?"</p><p>Kathryn slowly nodded and said, "You may be onto something here. It's good. Too bad all food can't be improved that way. The only downside is that it feels so much messier. I have marshmallows all over my hands!" She exasperated as she looked at the white and chocolate mixtures on her fingers.</p><p>Mike handed her napkins and asked, "Anyone else want to try?"</p><p>They shook their heads.</p><p> </p><p>...</p><p>"I must go and regenerate," Seven said as she stood up. "Goodnight," she said and gave Chakotay a kiss before leaving the holodeck. Everyone else followed suit and walked out of the holodeck five minutes later.</p><p>"Well, that was a nice program. We should do it again sometime," Sam said.</p><p>"Yes. It was nice to have you along, Mike. We don't hang out that much anymore," B'Elanna said.</p><p>Mike replied, "True. I only share the alpha shift half of the time. Tuvok says the schedule is designed to prevent complacency. He constantly reminds us that anything can happen at any time on any shift."</p><p>"Tuvok does like to keep security alert and in shape," Kathryn said.</p><p>"Too bad it can't be something fun like lacrosse," Mike said.</p><p>"Still playing it, Mike?" Chakotay asked as they entered the turbolift. Deck ten was called.</p><p>'Yep. And I know I can still whoop you," Mike laughed.</p><p>"Is that a challenge?" Chakotay replied.</p><p>"Oh, it's no challenge for me," Mike joked.</p><p>The women looked at each other, rolling their eyes as the two men bantered in their bravado.</p><p>"Well, I'm in," Kathryn interrupted.</p><p>"It looks like we'll be having a lacrosse game," Mike said, "Let's make it an open invitation to the crew."</p><p>"That sounds fun. I'm sure Tom would be interested, too," B'Elanna said.</p><p>They turbolift stopped to let Sam off.</p><p>Kathryn said "Ayala, set it up with Chakotay."</p><p>"Yes, ma'am," Mike said.</p><p>Kathryn gave a nod and said, "Then it's settled."</p><p>When the lift stopped at deck seven Ayala focused his eyes at Kathryn before wishing them a good evening. Soon it was deck four and B'Elanna got out and said goodnight.</p><p>"Goodnight," the command team both replied to B'Elanna.</p><p>"Deck three," Kathryn called out to the computer. The whirling filled the uneasy silence. The turbolift doors opened and they walked down the hall.</p><p>Kathryn said, "Goodnight, commander."</p><p>"Goodnight, captain," Chakotay replied.</p><p>Kathryn entered her quarters. She reflected on the silence she held with her first officer. The only conversations they had anymore were about the ship. It started when he started to date Seven. Sometimes it felt the conversations with the commander were forced. Perhaps they were.</p><p>Kathryn sighed and kicked off her shoes. Lieutenant Ayala is easy to talk to. She felt lighter with each conversation they had. Mike loved his boys, who are now sixteen and eighteen. Mike was a widower before Voyager left the Alpha Quadrant.</p><p>Kathryn went to the refresher and noticed she still had a tiny piece of graham cracker in the crease of her mouth and licked it off with a smile.</p><p> </p><p>...</p><p>The game was set. A mix of crew attended the holodeck to play lacrosse.</p><p>Mike said, "Okay. So.... teams."</p><p>"Hey, you can't have all of the security personnel on yours," Chakotay said.</p><p>Ayala said, "Fine then, old man. How about a coin toss to choose our teams?</p><p>"Sounds good to me," Chakotay said.</p><p>Ayala said, "Computer, replicate a coin toss. Silver coin. Head and tail faces. Twenty-second century. I'll be heads."</p><p>A silver coin appeared.</p><p>"Shall I?" Mike asked.</p><p>"Go on ahead," Chakotay jested.</p><p>Ayala tossed the coin and it landed heads. He said, "The captain." Kathryn walked over to his side with a smirk.</p><p>Next flip. Tails."B'Elanna," Chakotay said.</p><p>B'Elanna joined him.</p><p>Tails again. "Seven."</p><p>Seven walked over to Chakotay.</p><p>Heads. "Harry."</p><p>Harry joined Ayala's team.</p><p>Tails.</p><p>"Tuvok," Chakotay said. The Vulcan's ears and eyebrows lifted and he tilted his head slightly before joining his team.</p><p>Heads. "Gerron," Mike said.</p><p>Tails. Chakotay said, "Tom."</p><p>Tails. "Tabor."</p><p>The teams were eventually sorted and both teams put on their colors and protective gear.</p><p> </p><p>…</p><p>Both teams bantered and taunted the other as they played the first half. It was a close call so far. High fives arose as the teams took a break.</p><p>"Why did you choose me second?" Seven said to Chakotay when she approached him.</p><p>"What do you mean?" Chakotay asked before taking a drink of water. He watched Kathryn talk to Ayala.</p><p>"You chose B'Elanna for your team first," Seven clarified.</p><p>Chakotay chuckled. He didn't know why he did. "B'Elanna knows more about the game and is probably one of the most competitive players. Plus, I want to win," he said bluntly.</p><p>Seven didn't seem satisfied with his answer. Chakotay turned towards her and said, "It has nothing to do with you or us, Seven. It's not personal. It's all about bragging rights. It's a guy thing."</p><p>Seven said with a nod, "Okay. Male prowess. Understood. We must win."</p><p>Chakotay looked at her. She was so immature in different ways. Even though she has been on board Voyager for four years and has learned so much, there is still much she needs to learn. Seven was not a child, but neither was she a full adult. She is an intelligent woman and has a body to match. Yet, sometimes she acts like a teenager. Seven looks like one with her hair in a ponytail.</p><p> </p><p>…</p><p>Kathryn moved her lacrosse stick in the air. She practiced holding the ball in its net.</p><p>"It works better if you hold it like this," Ayala came from behind. She saw him come over with her peripherals.</p><p>"May I?" Mike asked and helped correct the position of her stick. Kathryn inhaled the teakwood scent of his body.</p><p>"See? This way your movements will be smooth. Especially if you move your elbows like this," Ayala said. He stood behind her and touched the tips of her elbows to demonstrate. "That's it," he said, lifted his hands, and stepped aside, "You've got it. You're a quick learner, captain."</p><p>Kathryn smiled and said, "So I've been told." Her skin was tingling from the contact. It reverberated all over her body. She didn't understand why. Was it because she couldn't remember that last time she even was hugged or touched, even for reassurance?</p><p>"All right, let's play!" Tom called out.</p><p>She and Ayala looked at each other and gave a nod.</p><p> </p><p>...</p><p>Chakotay made it past Mike after their bodies clashed and shot the ball into the goal.</p><p>"Yes!" he roared in success, "In your face, Mike!" Chakotay turned around and looked at Mike. Mike's face was contorted in pain as he clutched his side on the ground. Chakotay saw Kathryn go to his side and kneel with her hand on Mike's arm. A touch Chakotay had felt many times before. He saw her lean over and talk to Mike. A call for an emergency transport to sickbay occurred before Mike vanished in the transporter beam.</p><p>When Kathryn stood back up Chakotay felt all eyes on him, including hers. He swallowed and ran a hand through his hair. Chakotay said, "I did that, didn't I? I didn't mean to be excessive."</p><p>Seven said, "You wanted to win and you did."</p><p>"But not like this," he replied.</p><p>The teams all gathered their things and started dispersing.</p><p>"What the hell was that?" B'Elanna approached him.</p><p>"I didn't think I pushed him that hard."</p><p>"Are you kidding, Chakotay? You practically sideswiped him! What's gotten into you?" B'Elanna said. He shook his head and said, "I don't know. I guess I got carried away. I need to go and check on Mike. Excuse me." He walked out the holodeck doors. He didn't mean it, did he? Intentionally hurt Mike to win? He was being competitive. It was a friendly game that was awfully close in score.</p><p> </p><p>...</p><p>Chakotay entered sickbay and saw the doctor finishing Mike's treatment.</p><p>"The rib soreness from the fracture will heal in a day or two, Mr. Ayala," the Doctor said to him.</p><p>"Thanks, Doctor," Ayala said as he gingerly sat up and saw Chakotay approach.</p><p>"Well, old man, you've still got it in you," Mike joked.</p><p>Chakotay smiled. "Apparently. Sorry, Mike. I didn't mean for you to get hurt. I guess I just wanted to win so badly."</p><p>"It's alright, Chakotay. It's not like it's the first time I've been injured in lacrosse. It's all forgiven."</p><p>Chakotay felt a sourness in the pit of his stomach. He recanted his moves that he took before the goal. He should've been asking for forgiveness rather than receiving it. He realized he had been too aggressive.</p><p>"Plus, you got me out of Tuvok's relentless backbreaker annual workout. You did me a favor. Don't tell Tuvok."</p><p>Chakotay let out a silent chuckle with pressed lips and said, "Okay, if you say so."</p><p> </p><p>....</p><p>"Here is the new data," Kathryn said when she handed him a PADD a few days later.</p><p>Chakotay took it and as he put the information in the console he said, "Lunch?"</p><p>"Hmm?" She sounded as she read another PADD.</p><p>He looked at her and said, "Let's have lunch."</p><p>"I can't," he said, still focused on her PADD.</p><p>"Then dinner."</p><p>"I have plans for both."</p><p>Chakotay's eyes furrowed. Was Kathryn blowing him off?</p><p>"Who with?"</p><p>"Sam and Ayala."</p><p>"You're awfully popular. Breakfast tomorrow?"</p><p>"Breakfast with Tuvok."</p><p>"Lunch?"</p><p>"Chell."</p><p>"What?" He cracked a laugh.</p><p>"He's having me try new things for menu approval."</p><p>'Dinner?' he thought, but dinner was with Seven.</p><p>"Raincheck?" The captain said before he could say dinner couldn’t work.</p><p>His stomach tightened at the word. He had so many rainchecks of his own to make up.</p><p>"Sure," Chakotay said with a plastered face and a nod, trying to hide his disappointment.</p><p> </p><p>...</p><p>"So how's the rib?" Kathryn said later the same day in Ayala's quarters.</p><p>"Still a little tender but I'll live."</p><p>"So what have you been doing while off duty?"</p><p>"Playing some guitar," Mike said as he scooped a fork full of food.</p><p>"You play?" Kathryn asked inquisitively and took a drink of her water.</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>She smiled. "I didn't know you played. Lucky."</p><p>"Why is that?" He asked.</p><p>"I've always wanted to know how to play an instrument."</p><p>"It's never too late to learn."</p><p>She shook her head. "I don't have the time."</p><p>"Well, if you don't have time to learn, do you have time to listen?"</p><p>Kathryn smirked and said, "Yes. I'd like to hear you play."</p><p>After dinner, the dishes from the small table were put away. She made her way to the couch as he grabbed his guitar. Mike sat down next to her slowly and angled himself towards her. He placed the guitar against his sandy brown tee-shirt and dark blue cargo shorts and started to play. His long, slender fingers trickled over the strings as he started to play. She could feel her deep breaths let out at the soothing melody as she grew comfortable in her spot. Her mind started to trail with the notes until he started to sing. So he was also a singer! Kathryn tilted her head a little as his head looked down at the instrument, also with his mind wandering into the music. It was about a lost man trying to find his way home to his lover.</p><p>When the song finished he looked up from his guitar at her. Kathryn felt her lips trembling and tears escaping from the dam of her lower eyelids. She quickly brushed them away. Softly, she said, "You wrote that, didn't you?"</p><p>Mike nodded.</p><p>She put her hands on her knees and stood up. "That was lovely but I should go. Thank you for inviting me and for the meal." As she just barely got to the door's sensors, Mike asked, "What happened?"</p><p>Kathryn stopped and turned around. "Pardon?" She said in confusion.</p><p>"Why are you leaving so early? Did I say something?" Mike asked and gingerly stood up.</p><p>"I can assure you that you did nothing wrong," Kathryn confirmed.</p><p>Mike placed the guitar down before walking over to her. "Then what is it?"</p><p>Kayhryn opened her mouth, closed it. Then, with a fake smile she said, "Nothing. It's not important."</p><p>"Everything's important. Tell me."</p><p>"No, I can't. I can't put it on you."</p><p>"Put what on me?"</p><p>"My burden and guilt."</p><p>Mike gave a sweet smile and said, "I probably have just as many. Share." He politely gestured to Kathryn to have a seat. She hesitated but then walked to the couch and sat down as if standing on ceremony. " The song. Was that about you and your wife?"</p><p>He walked back and sat down. "Yes and no. Like I said, she died a long time ago. It was mostly just a song for all who are lost."</p><p>Kathryn looked down and fingered her nails. "I'm sorry."</p><p>Mike looked confused and said, "For what?"</p><p>She said hoarsely, "For stranding us all in this godforsaken space."</p><p>"No one blames you, captain. Plus, the Val Jean beat you to the Delta Quadrant first. It's the past. It's been eight years. We're still alive and we still have each other. "</p><p>"What about your sons?" Kathryn asked.</p><p>Mike shrugged and said, "Of course I miss them. What parent wouldn't? But they're in good hands with my sister and her family. She spoils them as if they were her own. They're surrounded by love. I can't ask for more than that."</p><p>Her face was still down with a bitten lip.</p><p>"Kathryn, look at me," he said. At the sound of her name she looked up. Only Chakotay had ever really called her by her full first name.</p><p>"Let it go. You're clinging onto it as precious baggage. You're Sisyphus rolling this large stone up the mountain, over and over as punishment. Let the stone roll away."</p><p>The gates flooded and Kathryn placed her shaking hand over her mouth. Ayala moved over and wrapped his arms around her. She buried her head into his chest and clutched onto his shoulders from behind her back as she sobbed. She thought about Tuvok's recent confession of his disease that morning, Neelix and Kes' absences, and the changes in her relationship with her first officer.</p><p>"Next time I'll play a more pleasant song," Mike said.</p><p>Kathryn coughed a laugh through the tears in her throat.</p><p> </p><p>...</p><p>Chakotay saw Mike collecting some vegetables next to him while on the newly discovered planet. Others were scattered on the M-Class planet.</p><p>"So you've been spending time with the captain," Chakotay said as he picked something that resembled a blue beet from a tree.</p><p>"Yeah," Mike said casually.</p><p>Chakotay was expecting him to say more but he didn't.</p><p>When Chakotay looked at Mike he had noticed and said, "What? Do I have dirt on my face?"</p><p>"No," Chakotay shook his head and went back to the task at hand.</p><p>Mike asked, "Then what is it?"</p><p>"It's just that I've never seen you spend time with her before in past years."</p><p>Mike tugged on a root and said, "Well, it looked like she needed a friend. She needed someone to talk to. I'm sure you noticed that she was really shut down. She looked so miserable sitting in the mess hall, Chakotay. You should have seen her. It was painful to watch."</p><p>Chakotay swallowed. Did he notice? In some ways, yes, perhaps he had. Did he not truly notice? Had everyone else noticed but him?</p><p>"Didn't you talk to her, Chak? I mean, you know her more than anyone except for Tuvok."</p><p>Chakotay looked down at the vegetables in sudden shame. "We've...just been talking about work. And you? What have you two been talking about?"</p><p>"Work, Earth, hobbies, that sort of thing," Mike replied.</p><p>Chakotay nodded.</p><p>Ayala asked "So how are things with Seven? Hasn't it been over a year?"</p><p>"Yeah. It's been fine," Chakotay said to Mike...and to himself.</p><p>Mike said, "Good. You know, Tom's having some...what are they called...some Jenga games in the mess hall. I guess it's some sort of building block game. Sounds interesting."</p><p> </p><p>...</p><p>Tom had wooden bricks on multiple tables in the mess hall. He had tried to pick up for Neelix's absence every so often for crew morale. They were instructed on how Jenga worked.</p><p>Seven sat across from Chakotay. Kathryn sat across from Ayala. Tom sat across from Tuvok. Harry sat across from Naomi. B'Elanna and Sam sat across from each other.</p><p>There were light conversations that turned into serious faces of concentration and nervous giggling as it became tougher to build.</p><p>"Why is this supposed to be fun? Why is building something that is only to be eventually destroyed fun?" said Seven as she slipped a block out and placed it on top.</p><p>"It's about the anticipation, Seven. It can be bad or good. In this case, it can be fun," Chakotay explained.</p><p>"If you say so," she said with a lifted eyebrow, not too convinced.</p><p>"Naomi, you're not supposed to lay the bricks diagonally," Harry said from nearby.</p><p>"It makes it interesting," Naomi replied with a shrug.</p><p>At another table Tom said, "I'm surprised you decided to play, Tuvok."</p><p>Tuvok said, "I need to be an example for the crew. I also need to keep my mind sharp. In some adolescent fashion it reminds me of Kal-toh."</p><p>Tom smiled and nodded. Word had come out about his degenerative neurological disease to the bridge crew. Everyone took it gracefully but it was quite a blow to hear, especially when Tuvok had known about it for quite some time. What was even more devastating was that there was nothing they could do about it in the Delta Quadrant.</p><p>Cries of laughter and failures were heard as the blocks tumbled and clattered on their respective tables. Chakotay heard Kathryn giggle as Ayala lost the game.</p><p>She...giggled.</p><p>He hadn't heard that sound in a long time. Chakotay remembered when she giggled on New Earth. He smiled at the sound. He missed her laughs, her quirkiness, her sass. That had faded away...</p><p>Seven placed a brick and the tower teetered hazardously before it succumbed to its fate. "Well, I wouldn't call it thrilling," she said.</p><p>Chakotay sighed and picked up some of the blocks that fell on the floor.</p><p> </p><p>....</p><p>Kathryn called them in at Tuvok's request. In her ready room stood Tuvok, Mike, and Chakotay in front of her desk. She said, "Tuvok. You called us all in here. What do you have for us?"</p><p>"We need to discuss the situation of my successor, captain," Tuvok addressed her. She dreaded the thought of the disease taking over her Vulcan friend but this was inevitable.</p><p>"Since we do not know how long I will be able to fully function in my duties, I suggest we pick one. I believe Lieutenant Ayala will make the best replacement."</p><p>Kathryn said, "What do you think, Chakotay?"</p><p>Chakotay was a little surprised that she asked for his opinion. "Yes, I think he's the best of the security team," he said.</p><p>"What do you think, Mike?"</p><p>Chakotay's blood turned cold and he clenched his jaw. Kathryn never called him Mike before.</p><p>"I will be honored, Tuvok," Mike said.</p><p>"Then it's settled. Dismissed," she said from her seat with a captain's nod.</p><p>Tuvok and Mike left but Chakotay lingered.</p><p>"What is it, commander?" Kathryn asked.</p><p>Chakotay sat down in front of her and looked at her. Really looked at her. "How are you feeling?" he asked.</p><p>Kathryn raised her eyebrows and retorted, "About what?"</p><p>"Tuvok and his disease. You've known him longer than I have."</p><p>Kathryn sighed and leaned back in her chair. "I just keep thinking of his wife and family. He loves them dearly and it's his distance from them that is causing him to suffer."</p><p>Chalotay said, "Although Vulcans hide it, their emotions are probably stronger than ours."</p><p>She nodded. "He's so young for a Vulcan. It...just feels like I'm losing everyone."</p><p>Chakotay heard the rough and hoarse tone hiding in her voice before she tore her look away. It's been awhile since they've had an honest personal conversation like this.</p><p>"You're not losing everyone, Kathryn," Chakotay tried to reassure her. He breathed in and said, "I'm here."</p><p>She gave a sad smile, stood up, and walked around her desk. Her hand gently touched his shoulder and lingered before leaving her ready room.</p><p>He felt a wave of guilt. Kathryn thought she lost him already. She didn't need to say anything. The look, the silence, and the goodbye touch was all he needed. She had already let him go. He wiped his hand across his face. 'What have I done?' he asked himself. 'What have I done to lose my best friend? The one...I loved. Do love still. I'm going to get it back. I'm going to get our friendship back,' he thought before standing up and leaving the ready room.</p><p> </p><p>...</p><p>Kathryn's head was swirling a little from the alcohol she had at the party. She drank a bit more than she should have. Chakotay told her to watch her beverage intake but she said she was fine.</p><p>"Maybe you should go to your quarters," Seven said.</p><p>"I'll take you there," Chakotay said and stepped forward.</p><p>"No, stay with Seven," Kathryn said.</p><p>"May I walk you home, captain?" Mike asked.</p><p>She pondered a little too long in response due to her condition and said, "That might be a good idea."</p><p>"You might want to hold onto my arm," Ayala said. She wrapped a hand around his arm and they headed out of the holodeck.</p><p>Mike asked "Going a little bit hard on the booze tonight, aren't you captain?"</p><p>"It just felt like a good night to have a drink," Kathryn replied.</p><p>"More like five," he jested.</p><p>"Okay, okay," she said.</p><p>Mike placed a hand on the hand Kathryn held on his arm and said, "You should take something so you don't have a hangover tomorrow."</p><p>"I'll be fine," she started to slur as her shoulder rammed into him.</p><p>He chuckled. "I'm sure you will be...after you take something," Mike said and pressed the panel for the turbolift.</p><p>"I don't need a babysitter," she pointed out and tossed her head back defiantly.</p><p>"No. You need someone to hold your hair if you throw up," Mike teased.</p><p>Kathryn burst into a cackle. "I'm nowhere close to being that drunk!" she said as the doors opened. They walked in and he said, "Too late. I've got a picture of it in my head already."</p><p>She smiled and gave him a playful shove. "Noooo! That's awful!" she groaned a little too loudly.</p><p>Mike said, "I'm sure that's happened in your academy days."</p><p>She threw her head back and said, "Captain's privilege."</p><p>"That's a cop-out of I've ever heard one. I bet you liked to drink people under the table who challenged you."</p><p>She gave a sly look and said, "Once."</p><p>"Who was it?"</p><p>She squinted and said, "Commander William Riker. He asked me out because of it."</p><p>"And did you?"</p><p>"Noooooo, I had my thesis to work on. I was lucky that the date had been postponed. Admiral Paris would've killed me if he saw what I had ready before it had been postponed."</p><p>"Master's or doctorate?"</p><p>"Doctorate in quantum cosmology."</p><p>"Damn. So I can call you Dr. Janeway?"</p><p>"Technically."</p><p>They made it to her floor and stepped out.</p><p>"So were you drinking so much tonight in order to have fun or in order to forget?"</p><p>"Both."</p><p>"I see."</p><p>"You are a philosopher drunk."</p><p>"Excuse me?" she said.</p><p>"You're not a loud drunk or a quiet drunk. You just spout out things."</p><p>"Oh, I guess so," she said as she pressed her door panel correctly the third time.</p><p>Still holding Mike's arm, she walked in with him.</p><p>"Want me to get you a hangover cure?"</p><p>Kathryn shook her head. "I think I'll just go to sleep." She swayed a little towards him after she shook her head a little too fast, placing her hand on his chest to stabilize herself. Kathryn looked up at his face and said, "You're tall, Mike." He gave a smile. She added with a frown, "You're too far away."</p><p>"You're short," he retorted.</p><p>She laughed and stood on the tips of her toes. "Not anymore."</p><p>"Oh, definitely not," he said with great sarcasm.</p><p>Her eyes drifted from his eyes to his mouth. Ayala's eyes followed hers. Suddenly, a warm pool stirred in her belly and chest. it could have been the alcohol and synthehol and or something else. She could feel his heartbeat increase and she felt there was a pull towards him. Their faces were gazing upon each other as they both leaned forward.</p><p>The soft kiss felt like static at first. His free hand touched her upper back as her lips went over the soft ridge of his bottom lip. The kiss broke and she sunk back down on her feet, finally letting go of his arm.</p><p>"Well, Dr. Janeway, if we do decide to try that again, I want you to be fully sober. You know, so I know that you're not a drunk lush, either."</p><p>Mike's eyes crinkled with a soft smile as he took the hand she still had on his chest.</p><p>"So, I will say goodnight and leave you to your pillow." Mike gave the hand a squeeze, gave a slight bow, and left her quarters.</p><p>Kathryn's fingers went to her lips, touching the last tingling imprints of the kiss. She sighed and walked towards her bed. Kathryn fell asleep almost as soon as her head touched the pillow.</p><p> </p><p>…</p><p>The next day.</p><p>Ayala brought his tray over and sat down in front of her.</p><p>"Hello, captain," Mike said as he sat down.</p><p>"Hello, lieutenant."</p><p>"How's your head?" he asked before scooping some of Chell's Red Alert Chili into his mouth.</p><p>"Better."</p><p>"You should've taken the hangover cure."</p><p>"Yes," Kathryn said as her thumbnail scraped the handle of the metal cup.</p><p>"Are you okay?" Mike asked as he noticed her tick.</p><p>"I need to ask you about something... but not here in the mess hall."</p><p>Mike nodded.</p><p>After they finished their meal, she said, "I need to take a look at the main security locker."</p><p>"Sure," he said.</p><p>When they entered the security locker she enabled privacy settings on the room.</p><p>"Did I... did we.." Kathryn started.</p><p>"There was a kiss between us before I said goodnight," Mike said, knowing what she was getting to.</p><p>"Ah. Okay," Kathryn said and she paced.</p><p>"Don't worry about it. I understand."</p><p>She kept pacing.</p><p>Mike said, "Captain. It's okay. It's alright. What's done is done."</p><p>"It isn't that."</p><p>He raised his eyebrows. "Then...what?"</p><p>Kathryn said, "I... I'm not sure if it was just the alcohol talking last night."</p><p>Mike didn't say anything.</p><p>She added, "It's been a long time since I kissed anyone and I forgot what it was like."</p><p>Ayala said "So, let me get this straight...for the sake of...everything. You think that you may have wanted the kiss, despite the alcohol?"</p><p>"I'm not sure, but yes."</p><p>The captain stopped pacing and looked at him. "Oh, that sounds ridiculous, doesn't it?"</p><p>He came towards her and said, "No, it's not ridiculous."</p><p>With such an innocent look she said, "I don't know what to do."</p><p>"You're the captain. I'm sure you'll figure it out," Mike said with a soft smile.</p><p>"I'm a scientist."</p><p>"Okay."</p><p>"I test."</p><p>"Okay."</p><p>"This will be just a test. I need one test to confirm."</p><p>"Okay," Mike chuckled.</p><p>She stood staring at him.</p><p>"Kathryn?"</p><p>She blinked. "Huh?'</p><p>"The test?" he reminded her.</p><p>"Oh!"</p><p>Mike could tell she was anxious. "I have hot chili breath in case you're nervous."</p><p>She started to laugh with her hand on her stomach.</p><p>He said "It might be a contaminant to the experiment."</p><p>Kathryn shook her head. He moved closer to her and she moved closer to him as well.</p><p>"You're tall."</p><p>"That's what you said last night," Mike said as he leaned in. She rose on her feet and her lips reached his. His lips were not full but they were warm and soft. Kathryn could taste the chili sting her mouth. She stopped and backed off an inch before going in once again. Their mouths slowly opened and she could taste all the flavors of his mouth. She brought her hands up to the back of his head. Ayala lightly placed his hands along her neck, his thumbs cradling her chin. After what seemed to be ages but must have only been minutes, they separated as her heels found the floor once more.</p><p>"So, what have you concluded, Dr. Janeway?" Ayala asked.</p><p>"That Chell's chili really is hot."</p><p>Mike bit back his smile.</p><p>"Honestly...I don't think it was the alcohol," she added.</p><p>"Was it the chili, then?"</p><p>"No."</p><p>Ayala said "Good," before he leaned in for another kiss and she let him.</p><p>When they broke off the second time he said, "So what does this mean for us?"</p><p>"Isn't that what I'm supposed to say?" Kathryn said.</p><p>"Beat you to it."</p><p>She said, "I have no idea."</p><p>"How about this: we can continue this," he pointed between both of them, "but just like this. Kisses. No mess. No fuss. Just between us."</p><p>Kathryn hesitated and Ayala bit his lip, wondering if he went too far or if that was the dumbest thing to say.</p><p>"Okay," she murmured.</p><p>He said, "Can you say that again? You were mumbling."</p><p>"Okay," Kathryn said clearly with a shy smile.</p><p>"Okay, then. We should probably get back to the bridge unless you really want to inspect this locker room," he said a mischievous smile.</p><p>She nodded and they headed out the door, pretending to talk about weapons.</p><p> </p><p>…</p><p>"Are you alright, captain?" Chakotay asked later on the bridge.</p><p>"Yes, why do you ask?" Kathryn said.</p><p>He said, "You look a little flushed."</p><p>His commanding officer cleared her throat and said, "I had some of the Red Alert Chili."</p><p>Chakotay thought he saw her blush but it was hard to tell since she was already flushed. "I see. It's too hot for my taste."</p><p>"It's starting to grow on me," Kathryn said with a smirk look.</p><p> </p><p>...</p><p>Months later.</p><p>Chakotay was in Seven's quarters, or more like their quarters. It had been requisitioned a long time ago at her request but she still had to regenerate in her alcove at night. At least she could be free from disturbances here. At the same time Seven requested quarters, she asked for a non-ranking uniform. All had been approved over six months ago.</p><p>He looked at how her hair had changed since a year ago. She now wore it in a ponytail during the day and let it out at night in blond waves. Tonight it rested on the silver dress she wore at dinner.</p><p>Chakotay took their plates over to the recycler.</p><p>"I was thinking we could try something new tonight," Seven suggested.</p><p>He asked, "What did you have in mind? Pie? Gelato?"</p><p>"Sex."</p><p>Chakotay's eyes opened wide, looked at the floor with a chuckle, and brought his face back up. "That's certainly something different."</p><p>Seven emphasized, "I've researched different positions."</p><p>Chakotay's mouth hung open and said, "We can try them, but Seven...it's not a catalog. You just go with what feels right at the moment to please your partner.'</p><p>"I know. I just wanted to look at options because I've never done it before."</p><p>He asked, "Are you sure you're ready for this?"</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>Chakotay took Seven's hand and raised her out of the chair. He placed his mouth on her neck, causing her head to arch backwards. His mouth switched sides as his hands bunched the dress upwards, rippling it up and over her head before it fell to the floor. Seven lifted his shirt off and shrugged off his pants. They kicked off their shoes and he took her hand before guiding her towards her bedroom.</p><p>They shed off the rest of their undergarments and he leaned her onto the bed. He climbed on top and said, "Well, this is going to be interesting." They actually have never seen each other naked and she had Borg modifications even there.</p><p>"It will not hinder anything," Seven affirmed.</p><p>Chakotay nodded and worked to get himself hard...but his body wasn't reacting.</p><p>"Is it normal to take this long to start?" Seven asked.</p><p>He chuckled nervously and said, "Not often but it does happen. Especially after an alcoholic or even syntheholic beverage."</p><p>"The wine?"</p><p>Chakotay nodded. Eventually, he got harder and tried to stick himself in her entrance but it wasn't hard enough. It only just pressed against it, mocking them both.</p><p>Seven started spewing suggestions out of both of their frustration. He eventually gave up and laid down. He stared at the ceiling and asked, "Seven, just out of curiosity, why did you pick tonight?"</p><p>"I thought if Ayala and the captain can have intimate relations in a shorter amount of time, then it was long past time for us to as well."</p><p>Chakotay shot up and said, "What? What do you mean by intimate relations?"</p><p>"They've had sex."</p><p>He rolled his eyes and asked, "How do you know this?"</p><p>Seven stated "My sense of smell is better than others, if you remember."</p><p>"I...uh....Seven, you don't just have sex because others are doing it. You do it because you want to do it." Chakotay started to get frustrated and maybe even angry. Mike and Kathryn were together. "I hope you haven't shared this with anyone else," he said.</p><p>Seven shook her head, "No, no one else knows."</p><p>Chakotay nodded and stood up. He put his clothes back on.</p><p>"What are you doing?" Seven asked, slightly bewildered.</p><p>"I'm going to take a walk. Maybe that'll help and also clear my head."</p><p>Although a little apprehensive, she nodded.</p><p>Chakotay left her quarters and walked several decks. His mind wandered everywhere. He thought, 'Kathryn is her own woman. She can do what she wants. Perhaps...Seven is mistaken. After all, how would she know what sex smells like? They could've hugged and she could have smelled their scent on each other. Hugged…'</p><p>He growled.</p><p>'But Mike is a friend. I have no claim on Kathryn, especially with Seven. There was no "bro" code to violate there. He didn't betray me. And Kathryn? I betrayed her first, didn't I?"</p><p>Chakotay's emotions ranged from frustration, anger, disgust, loss, and heartache. He called Seven over the com and said he was going back to his quarters. At least he thought he was. Before he knew it and before he could take his hand back, he had chimed the captain's door.</p><p>"Come in," her voice sounded and he went in.</p><p>"Chakotay," she said, surprised to see him there that late.</p><p>"Kathryn," he said.</p><p>"Can I help you with something?" Kathryn said as she put down the spray she had just used on her bonsai tree and walked towards the center or the room.</p><p>"Actually, yes," Chakotay said and stepped forward.</p><p>"What is it?" she asked.</p><p>In one swift motion Chakotay's hand cupped Kathryn's cheek. He braced her back as he gave her one large, sweeping, kiss.</p><p>Kathryn didn't know what to do. Her mind and body were conflicted and were not listening to each other. She did not fight the kiss. When he broke the kiss she could only utter, "Seven."</p><p>"She's not you," he said in a heady voice before placing his mouth on hers again. Chakotay moved them towards the nearest bulkhead. The breathing was rapid and both hearts were pounding. Kathryn's sighs urged him on. She was not fighting his advances. He removed his shirt as his length hardened.</p><p>'So it wasn't the wine,' he thought, 'it was Seven.'</p><p>Kathryn's first officer's hands moved along her back and down the curves of her ass and gave a squeeze. She moaned and he lowered his hands to hoist her legs around his waist. Chakotay stroked the back of her thighs and squeezed them as well. As more sounds were uttered, he moved them towards her bedroom and laid her on the bed. He quickly unfastened his pants and joined her. He removed Kathryn's shirt and kissed her bosom as he slid a hand into her pants. Her head arched back with an, "Oh!" He thrusted his fingers in and out of her, watching her squirm at his touch. Chakotay then unfastened Kathryn's pants and slid them over her cheeks, sliding them down, his feet doing the rest. Now they were only down to their underwear. His hands roamed over her body as if he was indecisive what to feel first. He had dreamed about this moment for so long. His hands pulled down her black bra straps over her shoulder and unclasped the hook before moving the bra aside. Kathryn raised her head and upper body up towards him and he tucked his mouth into her neck, his chest bringing them both down like a pair of writhing snakes. He moved her panties down as his face followed its trail. Chakotay took her into his mouth as soon as the panties came off her body. She gasped loudly at the intake of her juices. Her thighs twitched at the sensations. After the teasing, he crawled back on top, split her legs open with his own, and slid himself into her walls. Kathryn groaned loudly as he moved in and out of her. Chakotay covered his mouth onto hers as he clutched her towards him. His hand moved down and squeezed her ass. Kathryn's body pressed against him as she started to arch. He sat up to take both of her legs and placed them atop his shoulders. She felt herself stretch and he leaned in to continue his motions. Kathryn's hand gripped his sides as he thrusted. He could feel all of his emotions twisted into this situation. He loved her, he hated her, he pitied her, he resented her, he trusted her with his heart, but he didn't trust that she wouldn't break his heart.</p><p>Kathryn came, screaming out her orgasm. He soon followed, yelling out her name. They collapsed into each other as their bodies fluxed in their contractions. He gently lowered her soft legs off of his shoulders and onto the sheets. He fell into his back and they both remained in silence as they caught their breaths. Finally, Chakotay was the first to speak.</p><p>"Did you have sex with Mike Ayala?" As soon as he said the words he instantly regretted it. Why was he sabotaging this?</p><p>Kathryn's eyes widened and her mouth dropped. She was stunned.</p><p>Chakotay had to know. He now clenched his jaw and repeated himself, "Did you have sex with Ayala, Kathryn?"</p><p> </p><p>...</p><p>Kathryn was stunned. She let herself have sex with Chakotay and now he asked about Ayala. Her heart and her mind were confused. Why did she have sex with Chakotay? Didn't she let him go?</p><p>"I don't know where you heard about this," she said with a garbled voice, neither confirming or denying it, "but I can't believe I'm hearing this from you right now. At this very moment. I think you should leave."</p><p>Chakotay crawled over her and pinned her hands down. "You didn't answer the question," he growled.</p><p>"So what if I didn't, Chakotay? You'd leave Seven and everything magically be fine? Like the past year never happened? And if I did? Would you go back to Seven? Is our friendship truly destroyed this time? Is your friendship with him destroyed?"</p><p>"That's not fair," Chakotay simmered.</p><p>"When was it ever?" Kathryn said with tears in her eyes.</p><p>A pain ached in his chest and this time, he softly said, 'Kathryn, I need to know. Did you sleep with him?"</p><p>She blinked and said, "Yes."</p><p>Chakotay hung his head down and nodded. He let go of her hands and moved off the bed. He grabbed his clothes and dressed in silence. Kathryn covered herself in her sheet as she watched him quickly dress. She wanted to say something but she couldn't find any words. Chakotay left her quarters without another word.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>So now you get to choose an ending. Or, if you're like me, you will choose all of them because you cannot stand not knowing. More warnings and tags are included in the notes at the beginning of each ending chapter.</p><p> </p><p>Ending index:</p><p>Ending 1: No Rest for the Wicked. (Revenge. Murder attempts.)</p><p>Ending 2: Way Down We Go (Eventual J/C/A sammich.)</p><p>Ending 3: Ash Easily Slips Through the Fingers (No comfort. All hurt. Character death.)</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Ending 1: No Rest for the Wicked</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The wicked must be punished.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Additional tags and warnings:<br/>Poisoning<br/>Revenge<br/>Jealousy<br/>Murder attempts<br/>Language</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Breakfast the following morning.</p><p>"You had sex with the captain. You were with her last night. I went to your quarters and you weren't there. When I inquired, the computer told me you were in her quarters. You reek of her still. I can tell even after showering. "</p><p>Chakotay swallowed and said, "Yes."</p><p>"I don't understand, Chakotay. We have been dating over a year. We took the first step in truly physically intimate and then you're able to sexually perform for <em><strong>her</strong></em>?!" Seven shrieked.</p><p>"It's complicated, Seven," Chakotay said coolly.</p><p>Seven retorted, "How can it be more complicated?"</p><p>"Kathryn and I... well, before you came on board, we had been stranded for three months on a planet together. We grew... close. Very close. But she was still engaged. When we came back, although we resumed our positions, we were always a tad above friendship and nothing more. I believed we still had feelings for each other. After her fiancé moved on about four years ago, I thought there might have been a chance for us. But she never could allow that for the sake of the ship," Chakotay explained.</p><p>"Then why date me?" Seven asked with bitterness on the tip of her tongue. </p><p>Chakotay said, "You asked me on a date. I was lonely and I thought I was ready to move on."</p><p>"Did you ever have feelings for me?" She asked. </p><p>"Of course," he said. </p><p>Seven said, "But you don't love me."</p><p>He shook his head and said,  "No, I don't believe so."</p><p>"Because you love Captain Janeway."</p><p>"Yes. I'm sorry, Seven."</p><p>He headed towards the door of her quarters and she called, "You know you cannot have her if she's with Ayala."</p><p>Chakotay continued to walk out the door.</p><p> </p><p>...</p><p>"We should talk," Chakotay said as he came to the bridge and stood before her.</p><p>"Later."</p><p>"Now."</p><p>Kathryn's eyes flashed a warning as she got up from her chair. She walked past him and walked past him to her ready room. He followed as he could feel the path burning in front of him. As soon as the doors closed she said, "Computer, enact privacy lock. Janeway five-nine-zero."</p><p>"Privacy lock enabled," the computer confirmed.</p><p>She looked at him, crossing her arms, waiting a second before sternly saying, "You couldn't have waited until after our shift to talk?"</p><p>"Kathryn. Mike? Mike, of all people?"</p><p>She just started at him, waiting for Chakotay to continue.</p><p>Chakotay continued with,  "And then... we had sex. If you had sex with him, why did you allow it with me? You could've said no at any time."</p><p>"I could say the same thing about you."</p><p>Chakotay's eyes flashed.</p><p>She barked, "You have dated Seven for over a year. Practically ignored me during that time. Why last night?"</p><p>His lip curled.</p><p>"You just found out, too, didn't you? By the way, how <em>did</em> you know?" She chided.</p><p>"Seven found out of her own accord and she told me."</p><p>Kathryn looked up towards the ceiling in thought. "Why would she tell you that?"</p><p>Chakotay tugged his ear and avoided the question.</p><p>"Know what? I don't even want to know," she said. </p><p>He said, "Kathryn, do you care for Mike?"</p><p>"Of course."</p><p>"No, not the Voyager captain caring for her crew kind of caring," he clarified.</p><p>"Of <em><strong>course</strong></em>," the captain repeated.</p><p>Chakotay asked, "Do you love Mike?"</p><p>Her mouth opened a little and then closed again.</p><p>"Do you?" His stomach twisted into a knot. </p><p>"It's none of your business, commander. Just like it's none of mine to pry into your personal romantic relationships."</p><p>"Do you have feelings for me? Last night...it was...we were incredible."</p><p>"Sex always feels good," Kathryn flatly pointed out.</p><p>"I broke up with Seven."</p><p>"Okay," she said without hesitation.</p><p>"Doesn't that mean anything? "</p><p>"Is it supposed to? I'm with Mike now, Chakotay. What am I supposed to do? Just drop him because you had a sudden change of heart?"</p><p>"Why? You couldn't let us have a relationship but it's okay now because it's Mike? What makes Mike so damn better of a choice? That's not fair to me, Kathryn! You couldn't give us the same chance?" He yelled.</p><p>"You once said there was plenty of time for one, once," she said.</p><p>Chakotay lowered his voice to her level and said, "We have one now."</p><p>She shook her head. "You let me go. You moved on, Chakotay."</p><p>He placed his hands on her shoulders. "You still have feelings for me, Kathryn. I know it. Last night proved it. We're still meant for each other."</p><p>He leaned in and kissed her. She let out a soft whimper as her hands held onto the desk behind her. The grip on her arms squeezed her closer to him. He gradually broke it off and backed off a foot, releasing her arms.</p><p>"Admit it, Kathryn. You still have feelings, too."</p><p>Her hand went flying through the air and landed a powerful slip across his cheek. He appeared stunned as he raised his hand to rub his cheek. Just about as he was going to say something, the door chimed.</p><p>"Computer, disable privacy lock," she said while staring at him.</p><p>"We are done here, commander. Come!" She said towards the door. As Tuvok entered, Chakotay retreated to the bridge.</p><p>Tuvok asked, "is everything alright, captain?"</p><p>"Perfectly," she said coldy.</p><p> </p><p>...</p><p>When Tuvok left, she didn't want to go the the bridge. She stayed in her ready room until lunch time. She was supposed to meet up with Ayala, as usual. Luckily, Chakotay was not on the bridge when she made her way to the messhall.</p><p>Kathryn joined Ayala at their usual table.</p><p>They ate some of their food.</p><p>"We're quiet today. Something bothering you?" Mike said.</p><p>She said, "Yes but I don't want to talk about it. Please don't ask me."</p><p>"Okay, I won't, then."</p><p>Her stomach swam. Mike was sweet and she felt shame for last night's event. At the same time, she felt Chakotay expose her. Her body. Her feelings. She did have feelings for Chakotay. Yet, she <em>also</em> had feelings for Mike.</p><p>She placed her fork down. "I'm not feeling well. I'm going to my quarters."</p><p>Mike looked concerned and craned his neck, "You don't need to go to sickbay?"</p><p>"No, I just need to go to my quarters."</p><p>"I'll walk you there," he said.</p><p>Kathryn shook her head and said, "You should finish your food."</p><p>"I'll go with you."</p><p>She gave a soft smile. "Okay."</p><p>Mike walked her to her quarters and stepped inside with her. "Do you need anything?"</p><p>"No, I'm just going to lie down," she said.</p><p>"I can join you," he teased.</p><p>She licked her lips and said, "Your shift starts soon and we promised to be discreet."</p><p>Mike smiled and said, "You're right." He gave her a kiss then kissed her forehead. "Let me know if you need anything."</p><p>"I will."</p><p>"Love you," he said before he left.</p><p>A stone dropped in her chest.</p><p> </p><p>...</p><p>Over the week, Chakotay kept trying to converse about their affair but Kathryn kept herself busy. She still had a boyfriend, after all and she was not about to give up.</p><p> </p><p>...</p><p>It was a celebration to mark Ancestor's Day.</p><p> </p><p>Kathryn entered the holodeck on Ayala's arm.</p><p>"Oh, this looks delicious," she looked at the spread of food from different cultures. On the tables were photographs of different families as well.</p><p>Mike said, "You mean, besides me?"</p><p>"Shh!" She said and playfully pushed him.</p><p>Tom came from over the room and said, "What do you think?"</p><p>"It all looks wonderful, Tom. Nice work."</p><p>"Ayala helped."</p><p>She looked at Mike and he shrugged.</p><p>Tom moved towards the center of the room and said, "Today is Ancestor's Day. Neelix started this on Voyager years ago and it has been a tradition on this ship ever since. We are here to remember and honor where we came from. There are favorite family recipes, traditions, and photos around. There are even recordings of family stories. Enjoy!"</p><p>They clapped and wandered around.</p><p>Kathryn mingled and walked around the different tables. She tried the different recipes and visited the different tables. She saw Seven at the table she was standing at with Swedish items and sweets. " I see you've researched your Aunt Irene's family."</p><p>"Yes. These are desserts from the region. Care to try one?" Seven lifted one with a tong.</p><p>"Yes, please," Kathryn said and Seven placed it on a plate for her.</p><p> </p><p>...</p><p>Kathryn felt a warmth in the back of throat which she thought came from the coffee she just drank. Then it became warmer and warmer. Soon it felt like her throat was ablaze and it tickled her throat. Kathryn started to cough and cough. She couldn't stop and she started to cough up blood.</p><p>"Captain!" Tom yelled out from across the room. The room quieted.</p><p>She couldn't speak as blood filled her mouth and throat, causing her to choke. Her bloody hands clutched her throat and she fell to her knees.</p><p>"Transporter room. Medical emergency! Two to beam directly to sickbay!" A voice rang out next to her.</p><p> </p><p>"What happened?" The Doctor asked as he quickly grabbed his medical tools once they appeared in sickbay.</p><p>"Chakotay said, "I don't know. Started to cough up blood all of a sudden."</p><p>Kathryn's body jerked on the biobed while her body struggled to breathe.</p><p>"What's happening to her?" He asked.</p><p>The EMH said, "Her throat is...deteriorating..almost as if she swallowed a very strong acid. It appears that her other organs are starting to follow."</p><p>The Doctor pressed a hypospray to her. "That should balance it." He went away from the biobed and came back with something in his hands. "We need to put this tube down her neck. Blood is filling her lungs." The tube was inserted down her throat and Chakotay did all he could not to look away. The blood quickly filled the filtered container they attached to the tube. Kathryn was finally able to rasp out some breaths but her body was also trying to cough to reject the tube.</p><p>Chakotay said, "What's happening to her neck?" It looked as if the outside of Kathryn's throat had been scraped raw.</p><p>"It's worse than I thought. It's eating through her skin quickly."</p><p>Kathryn moved frantically on the biobed as her body fought within.</p><p>"It'll be fine Kathryn!" Chakotay said, not too sure himself.</p><p>The Doctor ran to a petri dish and took out the nanoprobes and administered them to the captain. The captain stopped moving and he sensors were shrieking.</p><p>"No! She stopped breathing!" Chakotay said. He looked at saw that much of the blood had already been collected. She had lost so much blood. A few hypos of oxygen were applied.</p><p>They placed a cortical simulator on Kathryn an the first clear did nothing. Not did the third. The high-pitched, stable whine of the sensors sounded through sickbay. Blood dripped off the biobed onto the floor.</p><p>Chakotay placed his mouth on hers to give her breath and just as about he was going to perform the test of the CPR, the Doctor caught his arm. "No. You will do more damage. The damage went down to her lungs and heart. Her ribs can puncture them just with one press."</p><p>"What are our options?"</p><p>The Doctor shook his head.</p><p>"Come on, Doctor!" Chakotay yelled.</p><p>"I'm sorry. Computer, note on the medical log. Kathryn Janeway. Time of death: 18:32."</p><p>Chakotay wiped the blood from his mouth and the Doctor scanned Chakotay to make sure he wasn't affected.</p><p>"What happened to her?" he said, shaking.</p><p>"She was poisoned but not by any poison. Someone used the fact that our captain was an avid coffee drinker. The coffee would have been a catalyst with the chemicals used. Once the the coffee and the chemicals mixed, it burned and disintegrated the skin," the Doctor said.</p><p>The commander growled, "So we have a murderer on board?"</p><p>"We do," the EMH confirmed.</p><p> </p><p>...</p><p>Kathryn woke with a white sheet over her. Her weak arm failed to remove it from her face.</p><p>"Oh, my God!" she heard a familiar voice say.</p><p>Soon enough, the blanket was off her face.</p><p>"Kathryn! You're alive! Doctor, she's alive!" She saw Mike's tear-stained face look at her.</p><p>Her hand clutched her chest and throat.</p><p>"Don't talk, captain. You have serious damage to your vocal cords," the Doctor said as he scanned.</p><p>"How?" Mike Ayala asked.</p><p>"The Borg nanoprobes. They worked," the Doctor explained.</p><p>Kathryn started to shiver and shake.</p><p>"What's wrong? Oh, don't talk," Mike said.</p><p>Kathryn started to sign with her hand.</p><p>"She says she's very cold, " the Doctor said.</p><p>Mike grabbed a thermal blanket and gently placed it on her.</p><p>The Doctor went to the lab to collect some blood pouches and hooked her up for a blood transfusion.</p><p>"This should help you get warmer, too," the Doctor said and connected them to her.</p><p> </p><p>Mike asked, "Do you know who did this to you?"</p><p>She signed again towards the Doctor.</p><p>"Seven? You think it's Seven?" the EMH said in surprise.</p><p>"Yes," she signed.</p><p>Mike asked, "Why would Seven do it?"</p><p>Kathryn's hand signed, "No more. Tired."</p><p>"Okay, captain. I'll let Commander Chakotay know. Doctor, it's probably best if only us, Chakotay, and Tuvok know. Just in case."</p><p>The Doctor nodded.</p><p>Mike gave her a kiss on the forehead and left.</p><p>"Mike Ayala and you...?" The doctor asked the captain.</p><p>"Shut up, Doctor," she signed.</p><p> </p><p>...</p><p>"Chakotay, the captain is alive," Mike said in the commander's quarters when he wouldn't answer his calls.</p><p>"Don't say that, Mike. It's been over twenty minutes since she's been dead!" The first officer said in his grief.</p><p>Mike said, "The Borg nanoprobes worked."</p><p>Chakotay's eyes lit up and softly said, "Kathryn really is alive?"</p><p>"Yes. A bit cold and in need of some blood, but yes. She believes Seven poisoned her. "</p><p>"What?! Seven?" She told you?"</p><p>"She was able to sign it."</p><p>"Of course," Chakotay said, remembering the captain knew sign language.</p><p>Mike said, "Kathryn never told me of anything bad between the two of them. You?"</p><p>"I haven't seen them fight," Chakotay said and thought, "but she could have been jealous of her. "</p><p>"What do you mean?" Mike asked.</p><p>Chakotay said. "I broke up with Seven. We broke up."</p><p>Mike waited for more.</p><p>"I had sex with Kathryn a week ago. Seven caught on."</p><p>Mike clenched his jaw and yelled, "What?!"</p><p>"I heard you did, too," Chakotay said.</p><p>With that, Mike threw a punch at his face.</p><p>"That's fucked up, Chakotay. You knew were together and... you initiated the sex, didn't you? I mean, the way you treated her like shit while you were with Seven...like she was an invisible woman. Then you suddenly swooped in because I had someone you couldn't?"</p><p>This time Chakotay punched him on the jaw and it was on. Fists went through the air and arms flew at each other. They fell to the ground and wrestled. Chakotay was punching him across the jaw. He was about to give Mike another one he let his first fall down. His face reminded him of the blood that had covered Kathryn's mouth in sickbay.</p><p>His words from the past flooded his mind...</p><p>"...and the angry warrior truly found the meaning of peace."</p><p>His face slackened in appall at his behavior. This was one of his best friends. Kathryn wouldn't want this.</p><p>"I'm sorry, Mike. Let's get to sickbay," he said and wiped his face with his forearm. He stood up and held out a hand to help Mike up.</p><p>Mike's chest heaved when he sat up and said. "I didn't think you loved her anymore. You looked like you were happy, Chakotay. I wasn't stealing her away. I didn't think I was stealing her away from anyone. I didn't plan it to happen. We got closer and...we clicked."</p><p>Chakotay nodded in understanding. </p><p> </p><p>...</p><p>"What happened to you, too?" The Doctor said.</p><p>"Nothing, " the commander and lieutenant both replied.</p><p>The Doctor scolded them as he repaired their injuries.</p><p>Chakotay looked over to where Kathryn laid. He saw her chest rise and fall and sighed. "Can I talk with her?"</p><p>"No, but later. She is quite exhausted," the Doctor said.</p><p>Chakotay talked with Mike. Mike nodded to the plan he suggested.</p><p> </p><p>....</p><p>Chakotay chimed Seven's door and it opened. He entered with his uniform still stained with the captain's blood. Chakotay had not seen Seven since the party. He went straight to his quarters after the captain's death.</p><p>"Chakotay? How's the captain?" She walked to him and placed a hand on his shoulder.</p><p>"She's...she's..," he cried out. "It...it was horrible. I've never seen so much blood pour out so quickly out a person."<br/>
The raw emotions were still very fresh and were easy to bring up again.</p><p>Seven moved him to the couch and sat him down. She put her arms around him and said, "That's terrible. Poor captain."</p><p>He sobbed and said, "Her...neck...was raw. We had to shove a tube in to try to get the blood out of her lungs. But the fibers of her skin were disintegrating so quickly and it reached her organs. Her body was decompiling itself." He looked directly at Seven's face and said, "I've never see anything like it. I never want to see that again in my lifetime. It will haunt me forever. I just wish I knew what poisoned her."</p><p>Seven swallowed and placed a hand on his cheek. She said, "We'll get through this. Together."</p><p>Chakotay shook his head. "I won't be able to get over today. Not ever."</p><p>"But you must. You don't have a choice," Seven said."</p><p>He said, "No, I can't be on the bridge after today."</p><p>"You can work with me in astrometrics," she said.</p><p>"No. I've hurt both of you, he said.</p><p>Seven had a flash of anger in her eyes. Confirmation.</p><p>"See what I mean? I'll be going." Chakotay stood and walked towards the door.</p><p>"Stay," Seven ordered.</p><p>"I can't. I'm going to shower and sleep. I'll tell the captain in the morning that I'm resigning."</p><p>Seven's eyes widened in surprise and she said, "What do you mean that you will tell the captain? The captain's alive?"</p><p>"By a miracle. Your miracle...the nanoprobes," he said and left her behind in her quarters, speechless. The trap was laid.</p><p> </p><p>...</p><p>Kathryn felt hands on her throat and woke up. She saw Seven above her biobed and tried to mouth words out while she tried to hold onto her wrists. Kathryn's feet and legs were useless as they had barely any energy to squirm.</p><p>"Seven!" bellowed the Doctor. Seven's eyes went wide and she froze. Apparently the Doctor was not truly offline. Seven let go of the captain and before she could explain, Chakotay, Ayala, and Tuvok emerged from the office. Kathryn coughed dangerously and Mike went over to check on her.</p><p>Chakotay was enraged. He roughly grabbed Seven and pinned her arms against a bulkhead. He spat, "So it <em>was</em> you Seven! You just had to come back after learning she was still alive."</p><p>The Doctor naively asked, "Why, Seven Why did you do it?"</p><p>"She is a thief," Seven plainly and coldly stated.</p><p>The Doctor looked confused.</p><p>"Explain," Tuvok said.</p><p>Seven said, "She stole Chakotay from me."</p><p>Chakotay was still holding her down.</p><p>The Doctor looked surprised and Tuvok lifted an eyebrow to demonstrate it as well.</p><p>"Jealousy?" Tuvok asked.</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>The Doctor looked at Mike and Chakotay and crossed his arms. He sarcastically said, "So, I'm sure what happened to the two of you earlier today had nothing to do with this."</p><p>The men's sheepish faces said it all.</p><p>"What happened earlier, Doctor?" Tuvok asked.</p><p>"These two," he pointed to the two of them, "were scraped up and looked like they had been in a fight. Of course, they didn't say anything."</p><p>Mike felt a squeeze on his arm from Kathryn, who had a concerned and stressed look on her face.</p><p>"It's okay," Mike said to her.</p><p>Kathryn shook her head on the bed. She tried to speak but all that came out was a muffled squeak.</p><p>He said, "Don't talk. You will make your throat worse."</p><p>She sighed and started to sniffle as she grew more and more upset. It started to sound like it was also causing her physical pain at the sounds she made.</p><p>Mike stroked her hair and tried to calm her down. The Doctor came over and gave her a sedative and she slowly faded into sleep.</p><p>Tuvok called two security officers down to take Seven to the brig and in mere minutes Seven was out of sickbay.</p><p>"I suggest we take the rest of this to my office," Tuvok said.</p><p> </p><p>...</p><p>The two men followed him to his office and they sat down.</p><p>Tuvok said, "I am going to get myself something to drink. I believe this will take awhile. Would you two like something as well?"</p><p>"Cinnamon tea," Chakotay said.</p><p>"A hot chocolate will be great," Mike said.</p><p>Tuvok gathered ordered and handed them their beverages before sitting down with his own. He took a sip of his tea and said, "Start explaining. Leave nothing out."</p><p>"Uh," Chakotay said and pulled his ear.</p><p>"Mmm," Mike cleared his throat.</p><p>It was as if they were at the principal's office.</p><p>Tuvok said, "Or else I will have to wait for the captain to recover and she will have to inform me."</p><p>"I've... been seeing the captain...romantically," Mike said.</p><p>"Seven told me they had been having intimate relations..." Chakotay added.</p><p>"Sex," Tuvok bluntly stated and made the men blush.</p><p>"Seven didn't understand why we hadn't...had sex," Chakotay felt uncomfortable talking about that in front of Tuvok, "and she brought it up while we were going to, uh, try the same. Didn't work." He was really tugging on his ear and looked down at his lap.</p><p>"And?" Tuvok added.</p><p>Chakotay continued, "I was frustrated and...I went to Kathryn."</p><p>Both men were staring at Chakotay.</p><p>"I, uh, gave her a kiss and them umm, well, I got a little carried away. Seven found out. I ended it then."</p><p> </p><p>Tuvok said, "Ayala, are you dating and having sexual relations with the captain?"</p><p>"Yes," Mike said. He was also uncomfortable and sipped his chocolate. </p><p>Tuvok clarified, "Then Seven compared the relationships. She became jealous in the progression of her sexual relations with Chakotay. She initiated and it did not go as planned. Chakotay instead left because he was jealous of Ayala and had sex with the captain. Seven found out and now she is jealous due to Chakotay's love for the captain. Then you two fought over the captain today. Does that sound accurate?"</p><p>Both men nodded with their hung heads.</p><p>"All we need is the popcorn," Tuvok said.</p><p>Mike and Chakotay's heads popped up at the sarcastic joke.</p><p>"I do not care what you do in your personal lives as long as it does not interfere with the functioning of this ship. The captain can do whatever she likes. She is an adult. If any of you hurt her you will have to deal with me. Sort it out," Tuvok said.</p><p>"Yes, sir," they said.</p><p> </p><p>...</p><p>Kathryn's eyes opened slowly as she let in a large breath. She tucked in her chin to see what was on her body. She saw the blankets and sclear patches from her throat down trailing down towards her sternum. She made noises by smacking the biobed with her hand to get the Doctor's attention from across sickbay.</p><p>The Doctor came over to her and said, "Hello, captain. How are you feeling today?"</p><p>"Where is everyone?" she signed.</p><p>"I sent them to bed to sleep."</p><p>"Seven?"</p><p>"The brig."</p><p>"I want to see her," she gestured strongly.</p><p>"No. "</p><p>Kathryn glared.</p><p>"Answer my first question."</p><p>"I'm tired. I feel like a sandstorm tore through my body and shred it raw."</p><p>He asked, "Does it hurt right now?"</p><p>Kathryn lifted her head and tried to get onto her elbows but immediately laid back down. "Yes."</p><p>The Doctor gathered a hypospray and pressed it to the side of her neck.</p><p>She licked her dry, cracked lips and signed, "I'm thirsty. Can I have some water?"</p><p>"Sure," he said. He came back with a glass of water with a straw. "Take it slow."</p><p>He held her head as she drank and coughed while she tried to swallow. "Easy," the EMH said.</p><p>She finally swallowed it down and signaled when she was done.</p><p>"I need something to write on. I need something to signal you, too."</p><p>He said, "Very true. Let me go to the replicator." He returned with a PADD and tapped his badge. "Doctor to Torres."</p><p><em>"Yes, Doctor?"</em> B'Elanna replied over the combadge.</p><p>"I need a device for the captain which can activate me or alert me remotely. It cannot be vocal and it needs to have a motion sensor if she can't respond."</p><p>
  <em>"I'll work on it right away. Torres out."</em>
</p><p>Kathryn signed, "I want to see Seven. Now!'</p><p>"You sure?" He asked.</p><p>She nodded.</p><p>He tapped his badge and said, "Doctor to the brig."</p><p>"Yes, Doctor?" The crewman answered.</p><p>"The captain wants to talk to Seven."</p><p>
  <em>"Sorry, Doc. You'll have to get permission from Tuvok."</em>
</p><p>The Doctor grunted.</p><p>"Thank you. Doctor to Tuvok."</p><p>
  <em>"Tuvok here."</em>
</p><p>"The captain wants to speak with Seven."</p><p>
  <em>"I will bring her," he said.</em>
</p><p>"Thank you."</p><p> </p><p>....</p><p> </p><p>Tuvok and Andrews brought Seven in. Andrews stood outside the door.</p><p>Kathryn signed to the men, "You both can leave us."</p><p>Tuvok replied, "No. I will stay."</p><p>Kathryn glared at Tuvok.</p><p>"I know about the whole situation, captain. I talked with the lieutenant and commander earlier. I am also not leaving you when you cannot easily alert me."</p><p>She clenched her jaw and then nodded.</p><p>"I'll be in my office of you need me," the Doctor said and walked away.</p><p>"You wanted to see me, captain?" Seven said in a low voice.</p><p>Kathryn curled her index finger towards herself.</p><p>Seven came closer and stopped.</p><p>Kathryn motioned for her to move even closer.</p><p>"I know sign language, captain. The Borg assimilated it."</p><p>She signed, "If you are going to kill someone do it while they have a fair chance and do it right the first time." She grabbed Seven's wrist and placed her hand on her throat. Kathryn put a hand in the air to tell Tuvok to hold back when he moved.</p><p>"Do it. You'll save me from future pain. I've already suffered enough," the captain continued to sign.</p><p>Seven's face strained and she said, "I cannot comply." She took he hand off.</p><p>"Why not?" Kathryn signed.</p><p>Seven looked down.</p><p>Kathryn snapped her fingers to get her attention and signed, "Why? Why is now any different than yesterday?"</p><p>Seven delayed and Kathryn looked angry. Kathryn signed, "You thought I stole Chakotay away from you. I didn't try to steal him away."</p><p>Kathryn paused and continued, "You've been together for over a year. You were his focus; that was clear. He came to my quarters and was...very forward... and..."</p><p>"You had sex," she said, somewhat agitated.</p><p>Kathryn pursed her lips and signed, "Yes. It wasn't my intention but I did go with it. I did participate. I admit that. That was the only time, Seven."</p><p>Seven said, "Do you love him?"</p><p>"I can't answer that."</p><p>"Can't or won't?" Seven said harshly.</p><p>Kathryn paused and sighed, "It's because it's complicated, Seven. Even before you came on board."</p><p>"Chakotay told me. About the time you were on that planet together. That there were feelings between the two of you. He said you wouldn't allow it to go further because of duty. When I asked him he told me he loves you."</p><p>Kathryn looked away with tears in her eyes. Her chest heaved.</p><p>"All of what he said was true, then," Seven confirmed for her.</p><p>Kathryn didn't look at her.</p><p>Seven said, "So I was jealous of you when you should've or could've been jealous of me. Even hated me."</p><p>Kathryn turned back and signed, "No, I could never. I didn't. I-"</p><p>She stopped signing and closed her eyes.</p><p>"What?" Seven asked.</p><p>Kathryn shook her head with her eyes closed.</p><p>"Captain. Tell me," Seven said softly.</p><p>"I was sad. I lost my friend. Chakotay wasn't...Chakotay with me anymore. That changed." Kathryn's signing became sloppy.</p><p>"Because of me?"</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>Seven looked a little surprised.</p><p>Kathryn's eyelashes flickered as he head started the roll to the side of the pillow.</p><p>"I believe the captain is tired. You should take me back," she said to Tuvok. The Doctor came out and checked on Kathryn, who had fallen asleep out of exhaustion.</p><p> </p><p>....</p><p>The next time she woke up she saw Ayala on the stool next to her.</p><p>"Hey," he said.</p><p>She took out the PADD and typed, "Hey."</p><p>"How are you feeling?"</p><p>She sighed and typed, "Tired. Sore. Miserable. I want to toss the Doctor out of the airlock already."</p><p>Mike chuckled and brushed her face. Her eyes teared up.</p><p>"It's okay, it's okay," he said.</p><p>Kathryn shook he head and typed, "I need to tell you something."</p><p>"I know about Chakotay," Mike spared her.</p><p>She bit her lip and let out a sigh.</p><p>"That's what you were going to tell me, wasn't it?"</p><p>She nodded.</p><p>He said, "I know it wasn't your idea..."</p><p>Kathryn swallowed.</p><p>"...and I understand. You have feelings for Chakotay."</p><p>She typed, "Are you angry? "</p><p>"No. I was at Chakotay, though. He treated you like crap and he never said he had any claims on you. Then, all of a sudden, he turns up at your door? I was more angry for you <em>at</em> him. "</p><p>Kathryn let out a sigh and reached for his cheek with her hand until it found it. He held it against his cheek.</p><p>She typed, "I have feelings for you. That hasn't changed."</p><p>Mike smiled.</p><p>Kathryn thought about the time they made love. Mike was in her quarters and it started with a kiss. Then another. They slowed touched each other and their sighs escaped them as did their clothes. It was soft, delicate, gentle. She could feel every movement and every part of her skin react to him. It was passionate and slow....</p><p>"The sex has been good, too," she typed and gave a wry smile.</p><p>He chuckled and said, "Yes, it has."</p><p>Mike paused and said, "Look, Kathryn. You can figure out what you want to do but it doesn't have to be now. My opinion of you has not changed. I want you to know that."</p><p>She gave a faltering smile and nodded.</p><p>"Have you eaten anything?" He asked.</p><p>She shook her head.</p><p>"What is this, Medieval times? Are you hungry? Want to have some lunch with me?" He smiled. Kathryn nodded.</p><p>"Doctor?"</p><p>The EMH came out of his office.</p><p>"The captain is hungry. Is there something that she can eat now?" Mike asked.</p><p>"Captain, you can have pureed food but nothing that requires chewing or is too hot. The linings of your interior are still very sensitive and are still healing."</p><p>"So you have to giver her baby food?" Mike jested.</p><p>Kathryn rolled her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>...</p><p>It had been two days and she had not seen Chakotay. Kathryn felt he was avoiding her.</p><p>On her PADD, she messaged him. "Are you avoiding sickbay?" she typed.</p><p>"It's for the best," he responded.</p><p>"Don't make me go up there," the captain typed.</p><p> </p><p>...</p><p>"You'll stay in sickbay. Doctor's orders," he typed.</p><p>She replied, "Then come here."</p><p>Chakotay started to type when she sent another message.</p><p>"That's an order, commander."</p><p>He smiled and typed, "Fine."</p><p> </p><p>...</p><p>Chakotay entered sickbay apprehensively and approached her biobed.</p><p>"Hi," he said.</p><p>"Hi," she showed him on her PADD.</p><p>Chakotay shifted the weight on his feet and said, "I don't know where to start."</p><p>She typed, "Why have you been avoiding me?"</p><p>He looked down and tugged on his ear before placing his hands on his hips. "I thought it was obvious. I thought it wasn't good timing. I mean, I'm the common denominator of this messy affair."</p><p>"I thought so," she typed.</p><p>Chakotay sat down on the nearby stool. Kathryn could see he had something particular on his mind.</p><p>"Say it," she typed, "Say what you're thinking."</p><p>"I was so jealous, Kathryn. You could have a relationship with Mike but not with me? After all this time. I didn't understand. Why him? Why now? That isn't fair to me! I've waited seven years and I thought it wouldn't ever happen and that you no longer had feelings. Obviously, you still do. I could tell that night. So tell me, Kathryn, I don't get it!"</p><p>Chakotay's face was red as he spat out the words. Kathryn was shaking at the tone of his voice. Her anxiety spiked and she started to wheeze through her healing airways. He touched her bare shoulder blade and said softly, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you or make you upset, Kathryn." He placed another hand on her waist.</p><p>She settled down and typed and typed. Then she handed it to him.</p><p>"I didn't plan it. I thought that even if you were with Seven I'd still have a best friend but then that changed. You were busy and we didn't really talk. I was so lonely. Besides you, the only person I really talked to Tuvok. Sometimes the conversations I needed were not ones he could fulfill. I became depressed. Tuvok said I should reach out to others but that was easier said than done. Then one day Mike asked to sit at lunch and we talked. It felt good to talk to someone about things not concerning the ship. I was feeling better. Tuvok said to continue talking to Mike because he could see my depression was starting to lessen. I thought we were just friends and so did he. We weren't thinking of romance. He was kind and comforting. Then that one night I got drunk...we kissed. Mike was a gentleman about it, said it was probably because I was drunk, and said goodnight. Then I couldn't stop thinking about it and if it was because of the alcohol. So, I tested, and the kiss felt very nice. It felt nice to be wanted. To be held. To be touched. You moved on. We decided to leave it at that stage. One night we didn't leave it to kisses. We got carried away in our  emotions and made love. It felt so good to be loved again."</p><p>Chakotay read it and handed the PADD back. At first he didn't say anything.</p><p>His eyes started to water and he said, "I should've noticed your depression and I didn't. I noticed you were happier and had been talking to Mike more. He told me that you were miserable and sad when he first talked to you. And I couldn't see that. I couldn't see your pain. I practically dumped our friendship, didn't I? You couldn't even feel you could talk to me about it...You only felt like you had one best friend left on this ship who you could really talk to and he is dying. Oh, god, Kathryn. I'm such an idiot and it's unforgivable."</p><p>Tears fell and he said, "I'm so sorry, Kathryn. I'm so, so, sorry. I love you so much. I never wanted to see you hurt." He stood up to leave and she pointed down for him to sit.</p><p>Chakotay hesitated and sat back down. She reached out for his hand and he took hers into his.</p><p>"Why did you come that night?" She barely squeaked a whisper this time.</p><p>He cleared his throat and told her how Seven wanted sex because she knew about their relationship, how he couldn't do it, and became frustrated at his lack of performance. That he became very jealous and had to know if she had any feelings for him at all.</p><p>"It felt great to have you in my arms and I wasn't going to let you go in that moment. I shouldn't have. You were in a relationship but I was selfish and I honestly didn't care in that moment. When you told me you had sex with Mike...I thought that even though we just did as well... there was no room for me. No room for us. I had lost out to him. That I could never really have you. But at least I did, at least for that moment."</p><p>He breathed a deep breath and said, "Please answer me this and I'll never ask again: Do you still have feelings for me?"</p><p>Kathryn gave a slow nod.</p><p>He gave a sad nod back. "I won't stand in the way of you and Mike if that is what you want. I know he makes you happy, Kathryn. I'd rather see you giggle than see you cry. But if things have changed, I'll do my best to fill that role if you'll have me, even if I don't deserve you." He paused and said, "I'll support you no matter what you choose to do next.</p><p>Chakotay kissed her hand and said, "I need to go to my second shift. We can talk soon."</p><p>She nodded and he set her hand back down before he stood up and left.</p><p> </p><p>...</p><p>"What have you decided?" Tuvok asked in sickbay.</p><p>She signed, "I don't know. I have feelings for them both, Tuvok. If I chose one I'll feel like I hurt the other."</p><p>"You could have both."</p><p>"Tuvok!" Kathryn made the mouth of a gasp as she continued to sign, "I'm surprised at you. Go behind each other's backs?"</p><p>"No. You can have both. There are no laws in the Federation that state Federation citizens, even humanoids from Earth, cannot be in a polyamorous relationship."</p><p>Her mouth dropped.</p><p>"Tuvok... that's not me."</p><p>"Is it? Couldn't it? In addition, we <em>are </em>in the Delta Quadrant."</p><p>Kathryn swore that Tuvok was teasing her but she couldn't tell. He just raised his eyebrows and walked away.</p><p>'This is coming from a Vulcan grandpa in a monogamous relationship,' she thought.</p><p> </p><p>...</p><p>Five days after her poisoning Kathryn finally was allowed to walk around. The Doctor said her organs were now strong enough to deal with weight of gravity.</p><p>She slowly walked while she felt the weight of her chest. Kathryn made it to the other side of sickbay and turned around to walk back. On her way back, her heart slammed against her chest and she felt she wasn't breathing enough air. A wave of dizziness came upon her. Kathryn started to fall and Tom said, "Whoa, captain. I've got you." He placed an arm around her and guided her to the nearest biobed to sit. Her hands gripped the edge as she focused on her dizziness.</p><p>The Doctor scanned her and said, "It'll just get some getting used to," and went to retrieve a hypospray.</p><p>"Are you alright?" Mike said as he saw the EMH place the hypospray on her neck after he entered sickbay.</p><p>"The captain walked around for a bit for the first time," Tom said.</p><p>"Oh," he said and replaced Tom's position next to her.</p><p>Kathryn placed her head on Mike's shoulder. "Just a little...dizzy. Heart is pounding too fast," she was able to hoarsely whisper.</p><p>"Okay. Take it easy," Mike said as he stroked her back.</p><p>She kept her forehead on him for a good while. He crooked his head and said "Kathryn? Kathryn, are you asleep?" She just nuzzled her cheek into his chest and he smiled.</p><p> </p><p>...</p><p>Harry said "What should we do with Seven? I mean, she has to regenerate. She can't stay in the brig or in her quarters the whole day. It doesn't make sense to move her back and forth."</p><p>"We could modify the brig or the quarters. It will take at least a week,' B'Elanna said.</p><p>The end of the conference table was very quiet.</p><p>"The captain doesn't want her in the brig," Chakotay stated.</p><p>"So we have security in cargo bay two, then," Harry said.</p><p>"She doesn't want Seven shadowed, either," Chakotay added.</p><p>B'Elanna got angry and said, "Look, I get it Chakotay. Seven was your girlfriend but-"</p><p>"The captain did want to release her from custody," Tuvok cut her off.</p><p>B'Elannq dropped her mouth open. "The captain's not well! Seven tried to kill her. <strong>Twice</strong>," she said to Tuvok and shot her hand towards Chakotay, "All because that P'Takh couldn't keep it in his pants!"</p><p>"TORRES that is enough! Kathryn has been though enough!" Chakotay roared and slammed his fist on the table.</p><p>Everyone turned to their XO who was livid.</p><p>"I...I....didn't-" B'Elanna stuttered.</p><p>Chakotay said towards her, "That was crude, unwarranted, and unprofessional."</p><p>She bit her tongue.</p><p>"Look. You can blame me all you want. I deserve it. But you will not say it as if she was just some cheap fuck to me."</p><p>The silence was cold in the briefing room. Everyone was holding their breath. In that atmosphere even a swallow was too loud. </p><p>Chakotay said, "The captain made her decision about Seven. It is still considered a private matter unless she states otherwise."</p><p>"We won't be able to hide this, Chakotay. The crew saw her choke on her own blood and everyone knows Seven was in the brig. Look, I know you're trying to protect the captain's privacy but that'll be impossible," Tom said with his hands open on the table.</p><p>"Just not now, lieutenant. When the captain is better she can decide the narrative. For now, it will be kept quiet. Understood?" Tuvok said, stabilizing the situation.</p><p>Tom, B'Elanna, Harry, and Sam nodded.</p><p>"Dismissed," Chakotay said.</p><p> </p><p>....</p><p>Kathryn walked down deck three from the turbolift. Her hand balanced along the walls of the hallway as she moved in her medical garb.</p><p>"Kathryn!" Chakotay called and quick footsteps came up from behind. "You're supposed to be in sickbay."</p><p>She ignored the voice and kept moving. The steps closed in on her and a hand was placed on her shoulder. Kathryn raised a hand and he let go.</p><p>"You're wheezing. Please, let's get you back to sickbay."</p><p>She shook her head and leaned her head towards the panel with her hand clutching the railing underneath.</p><p>"Kathryn," he said softly. "This isn't the time to be stubborn."</p><p>He could see her body shaking. Chakotay thought about helping her the rest of the way to her quarters but the last time he was there he made a mess of things. He ran a hand through his hair and said, "Well, do you want me to call someone? What do you want me to do?"</p><p>Chakotay noticed that she was pale and shaking even more with a death grip on the wall. She started to move again and then slid down. Kathryn slid into a sitting position and brought her legs up, resting her head against her kneecaps and hugging her knees. Her first officer squatted down and rested his hands on her knees.</p><p>He kicked out his legs from under him and sat down next to her. He wanted to say something. But the hallway wasn't the place for it. Chakotay laid his head back against the panels.</p><p>"What a mess," Chakotay said.</p><p>"Yes," her squelched voice said.</p><p>He sighed and said, "I'm sorry. I feel like it could be a lifetime of sorrys and it still wouldn't make up for this."</p><p>Kathryn didn't say anything.</p><p>He added, "I should've just talked you. I should've just talked with you. Like we used to."</p><p>"I should've... talked to you. But I... didn't want it... to look like I..." she paused and said, "was desperate...for friendship...for connection..."</p><p>He turned his head to his side.</p><p>"That I would....interfere... in your.. personal life... that I was...preventing you.. from living...your life...as you...saw fit," she squeaked.</p><p>He heard her breaths and said, "You should rest that trachea. Those squeaks are bad."</p><p>She gave a hmpf.</p><p>Chakotay said, "You wouldn't have interfered. But a true friend... wouldn't let you feel that it had to be that way. I was like a teenager who ditches his guy friends for a girl."</p><p>Kathryn squeaked. He supposed that to be a chuckle.</p><p>"Our tribe had a name for that. It translates to, 'wandering dog who chases tails'. You could say I was desperate, too."</p><p>She tried to stand up and Chakotay helped her. "This is the kind of thing I was trying to avoid, Chakotay. Relationships interfering with...ship's business. The crew...I can't take...their looks..." she said before all that came out were hoarse squeaks and she held rubbed her throat.</p><p>"It looks like that voicebox of yours has been strained enough today," Chakotay said. She attempted grunted in frustration. "You should reconsider sickbay," he tried to persuade her. She shook her head and airly coughed.</p><p>"That's it. That's enough," Chakotay sighed and scooped her into his arms and walked the rest of the way to her quarters. He punched in her code and walked in.</p><p>Chakotay walked over to her bed and placed her gently on it. He placed the pillows to prop her up to help with her breathing. He went over to the replicator and brought back some water. She handed it to her and she took it. Kathryn drank with shaky hands and handed it back to him. He set it on the nightstand.</p><p>"I should get Ayala for you," Chakotay said.</p><p>She shook her head.</p><p>"Kathryn, why the hell not?" He casually said.</p><p>She patted a spot next to her on the bed. He hesitated and sat down on the edge.</p><p>"So you don't want to go to sickbay. You don't want Ayala to come right now. What do you want?"</p><p>Her hand took hold of his and squeezed. She closed her eyes and a few tears squeezed out. Chakotay's heart reached out and his thumb brushed the tears away. He hated to see her cry. He hated to see her in pain of any kind. His shell cracked and he said, "It hurts to love you but I still love you. It's just the way I feel, Kathryn. I tried to move on and I couldn't. It may take my whole damn life to make this right but I will. I will make this right. I'll make it right if it's the last I do, you hear me?"</p><p>Kathryn still had her hand clutched in his and nodded.</p><p><em>"Doctor to Commander Chakotay!"</em> his combadge chirped.</p><p>He sighed knowing why he was calling and replied, "Yes, doctor."</p><p>In a panicked voice the Doctor said, <em>"The captain is missing! What if-"</em></p><p>"Doctor, she's fine. The captain is in her quarters."</p><p>"Oh," the EMH said.</p><p>"She was a bit overwhelmed in sickbay. She needed a respit."</p><p>The Doctor said, <em>"I just thought Seven-"</em></p><p>Chakotay said, "Seven's in the brig. "</p><p>Kathryn opened her eyes and looked at him with a questioning look. Chakotay nodded at his words. Her safety was too important to let Seven roam around the ship, no matter what she ordered.</p><p>The Doctor emphasized,<em> "Well, the captain should be in sickbay."</em></p><p>"You try telling her that, Doc. You know how she is," Chakotay said with a dimple.</p><p>Kathryn smirked and they could both hear the EMH sigh in frustration.</p><p>Chakotay said, "The captain told me there have been quite a few visitors and she has been overwhelmed."</p><p>The Doctor said, <em>"</em>That<em> is true."</em></p><p>"The captain should stay in her quarters if there isn't anything that's keeping her stuck to a biobed," the commander said.</p><p>
  <em>"It's mostly her breathing and the loss of her voice that are the main concerns," the EMH stated.</em>
</p><p>Chakotay said, "She has lost her voice but I think she needs some of her own time right now. Perhaps you can drop in later."</p><p>
  <em>"B'Elanna finished the captain's mobile sensor. Too bad is is after the captain gallivanted off again."</em>
</p><p>"Can you send it to her quarters?"</p><p>
  <em>The EMH replied, "Yes. I'll send it along with a lung relaxer."</em>
</p><p>"Good. Thanks, Doctor," Chakotay said.</p><p>
  <em>"Tell the captain I'll check on her in an hour."</em>
</p><p>Chakotay said, "She heard you and rolled her eyes."</p><p>Kathryn smacked the hand he forearm of the hand she still held.</p><p><em>"I'm sure of it,"</em> the Doctor said placidly before signing off.</p><p>A sound was made at the replicator unit and Chakotay stood up to leave the room. He returned with the two items and handed her the mobile sensor that resembeled the doctor's emitter on a black strap. She took it and placed it on her nightstand. He pressed the the hypo to her neck and she took in a deep breath. Chakotay set it down on the night stand and te took the sensor once more. He put it on her arm himself.</p><p>"Nooo, you're going to wear this at all times. I'll leave you to rest," he said and started to move. However, she once again grabbed his hand.</p><p>"You really want me to stay?" he asked.</p><p>She nodded.</p><p>"What about Ayala?"</p><p>He didn't have to say anything else.</p><p>Kathryn shook her head.</p><p>His eyes furrowed. "It's over?" He asked.</p><p>She nodded.</p><p>Chakotay sat down again on the bed. Although relieved, he felt bad for Mike. They did seem to have a good relationship. "Kathryn..."</p><p>She pat the bedspace next to her.</p><p>"Kathryn," he warned.</p><p>She now tugged on him.</p><p>"Fine," he said. He took off his shoes and jacket and laid down next to her. "Happy?"</p><p>Kathryn moved onto her side and placed her head on his chest and draped her arm across and closed her eyes. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder. She snuggled into the crook of his arm.</p><p>Chakotay thought of all the times he dreamed of laying with her like this. But definitely not after Seven trying to kill her. Or in a medical garb. Or when she couldn’t utter a word in her composition.</p><p>"Kathryn, I hope you're not rushing into this."</p><p>He craned his neck and noticed that she was asleep.</p><p> </p><p>...</p><p>Chakotay was startled awake by shaking. He whipped his head over, forgetting where he was. He saw Kathryn making flinching movements under his arm. Her eyes darted left to right underneath her eyelids. Her face looked distressed in her REM sleep.</p><p>"Kathryn, it's just a bad dream. It's okay. You're safe. Shhhh," Chakotay soothed and rubbed her arm. She awoke and clutched him tightly.</p><p>"You're alright, it's alright," he hushed and noticed that she was sniffling.</p><p>Chakotay laid a kiss on her forehead. "Kathryn it was a nightmare. You are in your quarters. You're safe."</p><p>She gradually calmed down but she still had a hand clutched onto his chest.</p><p>He said, "Want to talk about it?"</p><p>She wiped her eyes and was able to talk with a raspy voice. "I was replaying the poisoning in the mess hall... but the Vidiians were there, taking body parts as I bled out. Nobody did anything...they were frozen in the spot where they stood."</p><p>"I'm sorry. That sounds awful," he said and brushed her hair with his fingers.</p><p>"It was."</p><p>They remained in silence and he casually asked, "Why did you choose me, Kathryn? I mean, you had a good relationship with Mike. I swear to you I wasn't trying to destroy it. "</p><p>Her hand trailed his chest. "I can't change... how I feel about you...no matter... what happens, Chakotay. Even when I was with Mike I thought of you. Mike is a great person and he's fun to be with but we're better as friends. I cannot get you out of my head...or my heart."</p><p>Chakotay's leathered hand stroked her cheek and her eyes fluttered. His warm hand felt good on her face. Chakotay leaned over and gave her a light kiss. Kathryn craned up a little and returned the kiss. Her hand slowly ran through his hair and they continued to give each other sot, warm, as they laid on the bed.</p><p>"I love you, Kathryn. I know we have some things to work out but I love you."</p><p>"I love you, too."</p><p> </p><p>The end. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Ending 2: Ash Easily Slips through the Fingers</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Not every story has a happy ending and a happily ever after. Sometimes you cannot have it all.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warnings:<br/>Character death<br/>Language<br/>All hurt and no comfort</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>(Please see notes first before reading.)</p><p> </p><p>But that last part would've been ideal. Instead what happened was much, much worse.</p><p>Chakotay sat on the bed to put his socks on and then started to feel the bed move violently.</p><p>"What?" He said and looked at Kathryn. She had a hand pressed to her chest ankle was shaking.</p><p>"Kathryn! Shit, you're seizing!" He quickly stood up and wrapped her in a blanket. He tapped his combadge and said, "Chakotay to sickbay. Emergency medical transport for two."</p><p>A ray of light of shimmering light signaled their arrival in the medical bay.</p><p>The Doctor said, "What-"</p><p>Chakotay lifted her onto the bed and said, "No time to explain, Doctor. She started seizing just before I brought her here."</p><p>"Computer, enable a privacy screen around the surgical biobed,' the EMH ordered and a screen formed around them. The Doctor scanned her and closed his tricorder just moments later.</p><p>Chakotay didn't understand why he closed the medical tricorder so quickly.</p><p>"What is it? What does she need?" Chakotay asked, waiting to be given a task.</p><p>The EMH calmly said, "Commander, there's nothing we can do."</p><p>"What the hell do you mean?!" Chakotay asked quickly as Kathryn continued to seize and the sensors were sounded shrill.</p><p>"She's dying."</p><p>His eyes furrows on confusion. "No... no, she's not. She's just having a seizure! I'm sure-"</p><p>The Doctor placed a hand on Chakotay's shoulder and said, "The captain and I have known for awhile. She is dying, Chakotay. She has been for months."</p><p>His eyes darted between Kathryn and the Doctor. "What? I don't understand!"</p><p>"She has a terminal genetic disease that only appeared this year. There is no known cure. Usually a seizure like this means she's just minutes away from dying."</p><p>"Please. Something. Anything," Chakotay pleaded.</p><p>The Doctor should his head sadly.</p><p>Chakotay looked at Kathryn and tried to hold her still. He said, "Kathryn. I'm not angry. I'm sorry. Please, stop this. Stop this now."</p><p>The scattered wailing of the sensors settled on a single pitch.</p><p>"Doctor!" He yelled.</p><p>When the doctor didn't move, he grabbed the cranial stimulators and tried to no success. Chakotay started CPR. He felt like he was in some sort of slow-motion nightmare while her body moved lifelessly. He even tapped the back of his hand to make sure. He took her into her arms and cried, "Kathryn! Please, don't go. Don't die. You can't be dead. Please." Tears streamed down his face as he cradled her body and wailed.</p><p>It took awhile before he managed to speak to the doctor after he pronounced time of death. Chakotay laid her gently back down on the biobed.</p><p>"When did she know? How long have you known?!?!" Chakotay was angry.</p><p>"The morning the captain didn't report to the bridge Tuvok had me check on her."</p><p>"The morning she slept in?" Chakotay clarified.</p><p>"Tiredness is a major symptom of the disease. It progresses over time."</p><p>Chakotay thought about the last several months. She had looked tired but recently it had been masked by the chronic insomnia she had. "Who else knew?"</p><p>The EMH replied, "Tuvok."</p><p>"<strong>Fuck</strong>. The only other person who knew Kathryn was dying is also dying on this ship."</p><p>The Doctor looked at him, appalled.</p><p>The commander said, "I'm sorry, Doctor. I didn't mean it like that. Why didn't she tell me?"</p><p>"I thought you knew. The captain said she was going to tell you herself," answered the Doctor.</p><p>Chakotay looked at Kathryn's empty shell and stroked her cheek. "Why? Why didn't you tell me, Kathryn?'</p><p>The Doctor said, "Maybe you weren't ready to listen."</p><p>...</p><p>About eight months earlier...</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"Chakotay, we need to talk about something,' the captain said one day as they were sitting on the bridge.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"If it is long, can it wait until tomorrow?" her first officer asked.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I have something important to tell you.'</em>
</p><p><em>'I don't want to know. I don't want to hear it,' </em>He thought she was going to say something about her and Ayala. He told her to tell him another time.</p><p>
  <em>"Chakotay, I think we should discuss what happens when I die."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Kathryn, just because Tuvok has this degenerative disease doesn't mean we have to talk about that right now."</em>
</p><p>He remembered the pain in her eyes as she nodded before resuming her work. Chakotay realized she had tried to tell him ever since that day and he wouldn't let her.</p><p> </p><p>...</p><p>Chakotay remembered the sad touch Kathryn gave him after Tuvok marked his successor in her ready rom. She had said,<em> "It just...feels like I'm losing everyone."</em> Kathryn must have meant that she was going to lose everyone but because she was dying, too. He hung his head and placed a hand on her arm. "I'm so sorry, Kathryn. I should've listened. Please forgive me...for everything," he cried.</p><p>"Commander, not to be impolite, but how <em>did</em> you come to find the captain?" the Doctor asked.</p><p>Without looking up, he muttered, "We had sex, Doctor, but I'm sure you figured that out already."</p><p>"Does Seven-"</p><p>"No. It just happened."</p><p>"I see," he frowned at the situation. "I'm sorry."</p><p>"The crew will have to be informed of the captain's death, commander, or should I say, Captain?"</p><p>Chakotay raised himself back up and whispered, "I know. Can you-"</p><p>He brought his palm to his forehead to settle his swimming mind. Chakotay finally managed to squeeze out, "Can you put her in a medical garb?"</p><p>He let in a deep breath and continued, "I don't want-"</p><p>The Doctor placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, "Of course. I understand. Would you like a non-drowsy sedative?"</p><p>Chakotay shook his head. "No, I need this."</p><p>The nodded.</p><p>The Doctor changed her and said, "How do you plan on informing the crew?"</p><p>"I want to speak to the bridge crew personally and then the rest of the ship. But there's someone who else who should know first."</p><p> </p><p>...</p><p>Mike entered sickbay and said, "Chakotay, what's the-." He stopped his words when he stopped in his tracks. His commanding officer saw the look on Mike's face when he looked towards the biobed. Ayala's face dropped and he slowly walked over to where Kathryn laid. He felt for a pulse even though he knew it wasn't there.</p><p>Chakotay said, "The captain is dead, Mike. I thought you should be the first to know."</p><p>Mike swallowed and said nothing for a moment before he said, "You found out about us?"</p><p>Chakotay nodded.</p><p>Mike brushed her fingers through Kathryn's hair as a tear went down his cheek.</p><p>"Doctor, will you excuse us?" Chakotay asked. The EMH nodded and deactivated his program.</p><p>"She told me she was dying. I didn't think it would be so soon," Mike said with a trembling voice. "Kathryn was a wonderful person."</p><p>Chakotay bit his lip. Mike looked at him and Chakotay walked closer to him.</p><p>Softly, Mike asked, "Who found her?"</p><p>"I did. I...we...were..." Chakotay flustered and tugged on his ear. "We had sex and she started to seize. It's all on me, Mike. I arrived at her quarters. It...wasn't her idea. I need...I need you to know that. I'm sorry."</p><p>Mike didn't say anything as he looked at Chakotay.</p><p>Chakotay said, "We both loved her, Mike."</p><p>"Yes," he replied.</p><p>"You made her happy. I could see it. Even when I couldn't make her happy anymore. I broke her heart."</p><p>Mike walked around the biobed and  towards him. Chakotay flinched, thinking Mike might hit him because he couldn't read him. Instead, Ayala grabbed him and clutched into a bear hug.</p><p>"At least one of us was with her in the end," Mike said.</p><p>Chakotay felt guilty as they cried onto each other's arms for the woman they loved and lost.</p><p> </p><p>...</p><p>Tom's eyes went wide at the sight of the distraught looks on the two men's faces in the doorway of his quarters at 02:30 that morning.</p><p>"B'Elanna?" He called from his spot. Tom invited the men in an B'Elanna came out of the bedroom to join them. "Chakotay? Ayala? What is it?" she asked.</p><p>Chakotay said, "The captain is dead."</p><p>B'Elanna put a mouth to cover her mouth and Tom's mouth dropped as well.</p><p>"Oh, my God. No. This has to be some kind of joke. Please tell me this is not true." She looked at both of the men's faces and she realized it had to be true.</p><p>"How?" Tom asked.</p><p>"She had a genetic disease," Mike said.</p><p>Tom gathered his wife to his arms to comfort each other.</p><p> </p><p>...</p><p>"What is it?" Tuvok said as the men stood in his quarters, cold in their sleep clothes.</p><p>"The captain is dead, Tuvok."</p><p>Tuvok mind reflected on the words as he walked over to gaze out of his viewport.</p><p>"She was ill," he said. "I did not expect it to be so soon."</p><p>"She told you," Chakotay said.</p><p>"Indeed. She did not tell you?" the Vulcan said and turned towards him.</p><p>Chakotay cleared his throat and said, "No. "</p><p>Tuvok raised an eyebrow and said, "I thought she had."</p><p>Chakotay was a bit irritated that even Tuvok was surprised he did not know. "Why didn't she tell the crew? Only you, the Doctor, and Mike knew."</p><p>Tuvok's eyes passed over Ayala for a moment before looking back at Chakotay. "She did not want the crew pitying her. She wanted to live the rest of her life as, 'normal,' as she could. We thought that by sharing the state of my own disease, she could, as you say, 'soften the blow.'"</p><p>Chakotay placed his hands on his hips and looked down. "If I had known..."</p><p>"Would have things been so different, captain?" Tuvok asked.</p><p>Chakotay flinched at the title that had so quickly became taboo.</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>"Maybe that was what she was concerned about."</p><p> </p><p>...</p><p>The memorial service was held later that day. Chakotay mustered as much as he could of his eulogy.</p><p>Chakotay walked back to his quarters and Seven took his arm to guide him. </p><p>'Seven must already know,' he thought. When they made it to his quarters. He sat on the couch and placed his hands on his head and she walked over and replicated some cinnamon and chamomile tea. Seven placed the cups down in front of them in the coffee table.</p><p>She looked at Chakotay and said, "You loved her, didn't you?"</p><p>"Yes, very much. I tried. I tried not to but I couldn't."</p><p>She nodded.</p><p>"I'm sorry, Seven. I went to Kathryn last night."</p><p>She swallowed and said, "I know."</p><p>"What's worse is that I didn't know she way dying. I was frustrated and you told me about Mike...I needed to know if she still cared for me at all. I didn't expect or plan to have sex. I just planned to talk and then..."</p><p>He started to sob. "I killed her. I killed her in so many ways. If we hadn't made love....she probably would still be alive...and-"</p><p>Chakotay couldn't finish. He coughed out and sniffled while his eyes, nose, and mouth let the floodgates go.</p><p>Seven wrapped him into her arms and cradled him.</p><p>Her eyes watered at the depth of pain they both felt at the captain's passing. She missed the captain, too. Captain Janeway always supported her and was her mentor. "You didn't kill her, Chakotay. She... had a disease. There was nothing you could do."</p><p>"I could've been a better friend. I could have been hers."</p><p> </p><p>The end.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sorry, not sorry, for the utter devastation of this ending.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Ending 3: Way Down We Go</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kathryn has much to consider.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warnings and addtional tage:<br/>Injury<br/>Threesome<br/>Vaginal and anal sex<br/>Forking and spooning</p><p>;)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next day Kathryn walked onto the bridge holding her breath. She had not seen Chakotay since he abruptly left last night. Mike had the Beta shift and she was silently glad for it because she had no idea how Chakotay would be today. She sat down in her chair and Chakotay handed her Gamma shift's report, which he did every morning. When the captain took the report from his hand their eyes locked. It was difficult for her to read his thoughts. Chakotay tried to hold a neutral expression but she knew him too well. She saw frustration, confusion, withholding, hurt, and apologetic emotions in his face. Kathryn felt embarrassed and guilty and tucked her head to the right in and looked down at the PADD.</p><p>She slept with Mike and she slept with Chakotay. Of course she didn't expect Chakotay's appearance last night, nor his actions, but that wasn't an excuse. Kathryn could have put a stop to it at any time and she didn't. Chakotay knew before they even made love that Mike had been in her bed, making him equally guilty in that regard.</p><p>"Thanks," she said for the PADD.</p><p>She read the report and it was apparently a smooth Gamma Shift. For once, she wished it hadn't been smooth because it would provide her with tasks to keep herself busy and away from Chakotay. Kathryn wondered if she and Chakotay were going to revert to the way they had been before when he was with Seven. He did not even say if he did break up with Seven. Her first officer most likely didn't tell Seven about last night even if he had broken up with her. Kathryn's body felt flushed. She stood up and said, "I'll be in my ready room. You have the bridge, commander."</p><p>Once Kathryn sat down in her ready room she let out a breath. She didn't know if she could handle returning to the limited conversations between the two of them again. They had started to converse more in the past month but now that might all be ruined just as quickly as felled dominoes. Although Mike helped to fill in that social role, her recent transgressions could just make things even more painful. Kathryn knew she had romantic feelings for both Chakotay and Mike but they are different kinds of love. Chakotay's was simmering, unpredictable, and passionate. Mike's was soft, comforting, and tender. The sex matched the different styless and were both incredible. Kathryn knew she should tell Mike about last night but she didn't know how. Would she lose Mike in the process?</p><p>"Is this a good time, captain?"</p><p>Kathryn was startled at the voice because she had not heard the door open.</p><p>"I apologize if I startled you," the Vulcan said.</p><p>While catching her breath the captain said, "It's alright, Tuvok. I was just lost in my thoughts. What is it?"</p><p>"I want to talk to you," he said bluntly.</p><p>"About?"</p><p>Tuvok replied, "Anything."</p><p>She blinked at the cryptic and vague answer and then gestured to the couch.</p><p>"Would you like some tea?" She asked.</p><p>"Tea will be fine," he replied.</p><p>Kathryn went to the replicator and ordered his spiced tea and a coffee. She joined him on the couch and they drank from their beverages.</p><p>"I know we have already chosen my successor, captain. I believe we should talk about the other arrangements. I do not expect to die soon but I rather would have the matter settled before the disease consumes my mind."</p><p>Kathryn swallowed and bit her lip. In a soft voice she said, "Oh, Tuvok," and took his hand in hers.</p><p>'I want my personal items to go to my family on Vulcan. Specified items for my family members have been listed in my will. Items for the crew have also been listed."</p><p>"Of course, Kathryn said with a nod.</p><p>Tuvok continued, "There is another item to discuss. I do not require resuscitation if the disease ends my life."</p><p>She shook her head, not because she disagreed, but because she couldn't believe this was happening.</p><p>"I can't even imagine life on board without you after all of these years, my old friend. Who is to counsel me when you're gone?"</p><p>Without dropping a beat, Tuvok said, "Perhaps I will outlive you."</p><p>Kathryn let out a soft chuckle.</p><p>Tuvok continued, "I am sure Commander Chakotay will fill that role."</p><p>She let out a grimaced smile and drank the rest of her coffee. Tuvok noticed when she did not affirm it.</p><p>He tilted his head and asked, "Is there something wrong between you and the commander?"</p><p>The captain said, "It's...complicated, Tuvok."</p><p>The Vulcan lifted a pronounced and inquiring brow. "As Tom Paris once said, 'Try me."</p><p>Kathryn let her elbows rest on her thighs and her hands dangled loosely between her legs. She tilted her head in decision as she watched Tuvok wait.</p><p>"Computer, put a privacy lock on the ready room. Janeway-pi-alpha-zero." The computer adjusted the settings.</p><p>She said, "For the sake of things I'm making this a hypothetical situation. It will be easier."</p><p>Tuvok nodded.</p><p>She licked her lips and hesitated on where to begin.</p><p>"Let's just say there is this woman. This woman had feelings for coworker A for a long time but couldn't act on it due to her job. When coworker A starts dating another, the coworker doesn't connect with her as friends anymore. The woman becomes miserable and then a close friend of the coworker's, coworker B, comforts her. A friendship grows with coworker B. They eventually fall into a relationship and have... intimate relations. One night the coworker A comes to her door and kisses her, which leads to intimate relations. At the end coworker A asks if the woman had intimate relations with his friend, coworker B. When she says, 'Yes,' coworker A leaves frustrated without another word."</p><p>Tuvok's eyebrows were raised and he put his tea down on the table. "A love triangle between the Commander Chakotay and Lieutenant Ayala?</p><p>Kathryn stood up and nodded in exasperation with her hands in the air before the slapped on the sides of her thighs.</p><p>"Are you still in a relationship with Ayala?"</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>The Vulcan asked, "Is Chakotay still with Seven?"</p><p>"I don't know."</p><p>"When did this happen with Chakotay?"</p><p>"Last night."</p><p>"So you have not had the chance to speak with Ayala yet?"</p><p>"No."</p><p>"I see."</p><p>Kathryn paced. "I don't know what to do, Tuvok. I care for them both... romantically. I can't have this interfere with ship's duties. If I choose Mike, he probably loses Chakotay's friendship. Then my friendship with Chakotay will probably revert to what it had been, which nearly destroyed me. If I choose Chakotay, I hurt Mike who has been sweet and innocent in all of this. Then their friendship may still be ruined. I don't want to be seen as a homewrecker, so to speak, either, especially if Chakotay hasn't separated from Seven. This is also Seven's first relationship. She's still learning her newfound emotions! I couldn't shatter her ideas and hopes for future relationships if she does have them."</p><p>Kathryn placed he hand against her sternum. Tuvok knew what that meant.</p><p>"Captain, sit down before your anxiety gets worse."</p><p>"It's fine," she brushed it off. Although Tuvok knew it wasn't he knew debating it was pointless now.</p><p>"You could have both," he offered as a logical solution.</p><p>"Tuvok!" Kathryn gasped, "I'm surpised at you.Are you suggesting I date each of them behind their backs?"</p><p>"No. You can have both. There are no laws in the Federation that state Federation citizens, even humanoids from Earth, cannot be in a polyamorous relationship."</p><p>Her mouth dropped. "Tuvok... that's not for me."</p><p>"Is it? What do you have to lose? In addition, we <em>are</em> in the Delta Quadrant."</p><p>Kathryn swore that Tuvok was teasing her but she couldn't tell.</p><p>'This is coming from a Vulcan grandpa in a monogamous relationship,' she thought.</p><p>The captain said, "No and I don't believe they would agree to that. Love will just have to wait and stand the test of time."</p><p>"Captain, is it really so wrong to be in love?" Tuvok asked.</p><p>Kathryn whipped her head towards Vulcan and clenched her jaw. "I'd sacrifice it if it means having to choose and destroying the friendships, trust, and job performance on this ship. I need friendship more than love, Tuvok. "</p><p>"Is that what you want?"</p><p>She bluntly stated, "It doesn't matter what I want."</p><p>"Even Vulcans do not wait as long as you have Captain. Love is an essential need. If not both men, then choose one. No matter the action or inaction someone is going to be disappointed. Better two satisficed men than three disappointed people."</p><p>Kathryn grunted. "Thanks. Now I'm back to square one."</p><p>"You do still have Mr. Ayala as a boyfriend, captain," he pointed out.</p><p>She sighed. Mike. Poor Mike.</p><p>Tuvok stood up and said, "Let yourself be loved by someone, captain. For me. Consider it to be one of my last requests."</p><p>Then he left the ready room.</p><p> </p><p>...</p><p>Half an hour later Chakotay came into the ready room with a few PADDs.</p><p>"Here's the latest report from engineering," he said and handed a report to her.</p><p>Kathryn took it from his hand without looking at him. Chakotay held another out and said, "And here's the one from astrometrics."</p><p>She swallowed and reached out for the PADD but he moved it away from her hand and held it up towards his chest.</p><p>"We need to talk about this, Kathryn," he said.</p><p>The use of her name lit a fire within.</p><p>"Not now. The report," the captain curtly said and stuck out her hand for it.</p><p>Chakotay stood up a little straighter, refusing to hand the report he now hid behind his back.</p><p>"Commander, if you're not going to give me the report you can walk right out. You can explain to Seven why the captain didn't get her report."</p><p>'...among other things,' she thought and implied.</p><p>"No. Let's talk. Now," he stressed.</p><p>She shook her head and decided to read B'Elanna's report, hoping that would dismiss him. Instead, he took the report from out of her hand. Kathryn made sure her glare followed when she looked up at him.</p><p>"Now it will be B'Elanna to add to the pile of angry women," she said. Kathryn folded her hands in her lap and leaned back in her chair.</p><p>"I don't regret last night," Chakotay said.</p><p>She replied crisply, "You sure as <em>hell</em> left as if you did."</p><p>He looked down to the deck and back up. "Why him, Kathryn? Of all people!"</p><p>The captain said, "I believe I should expecting some form of apology, commander."</p><p>Chakotay placed both hands flat on her desk and leaned over. "Why him?"</p><p>Kathryn was starting to get angry. "Why not?"</p><p>"That's not an answer."</p><p>"It's none of your business," she seethed.</p><p>Chakotay said, "This relationship came out of nowhere. What does he have that I don't have?"</p><p>"Ask him."</p><p>"I'm asking you."</p><p>"I don't think you want to hear it," she warned.</p><p>"I do."</p><p>"It's the guitar."</p><p>Chakotay was absolutely thrown off by the look on his face. His eyebrows questioned her.</p><p>"Yes, it's the guitar. You know how I feel about instruments," she said matter-of-factly.</p><p>Chakotay's jaw clenched. "I'm not kidding, Kathryn."</p><p>His commanding officer's tone lowered its pitch and she said, "And I said it was none of your business."</p><p>"It's been eight years and you finally decide to get into a romantic relationship but you couldn't even grant us that!" Chakotay said, exasperated.</p><p>"You knew why. I told you my reasons. I thought there was plenty of time. Apparently not," Kathryn responded with an icy edge.</p><p>The pressure was building while the energy charged the room.</p><p>"So why now?"</p><p>"Companionship. Friendship. I was lonely, Chakotay. You were, are, free to date Seven. I could manage that. What I couldn't manage was the aloofness. I couldn't talk to you anymore. I couldn't do things like play velocity with you anymore. Everything that made our friendship special just...disappeared. You made your choice and it was Seven. Mike talked to me. He listened to me. I did the same for him. He made me laugh even when I wanted to cry and I had cried enough."</p><p>His head hung and he bit his lip in silence.</p><p>"Why did you come to my quarters last night?" She asked.</p><p>His voice more subdued, he answered, "I came to talk. To have this kind of talk after I found about how far the two of you had gone on your relationship. Then things changed. I...I guess I hoped...last night..."</p><p>Kathryn pursed her lips.</p><p>Chakotay moved around the desk. "I thought there were still feelings between the two of us. It wasn't just sex, Kathryn. We made love. You can deny it all you want but I could sense it and so could you. I love you."</p><p>He was now so close she could feel his body heat. Her cheeks were burning and she blurted, "You and I are both in relationships, Chakotay!</p><p>"Not me," he said.</p><p>There was a thundering, deafening silence in the room.</p><p>"Not anymore. Not Seven and I."</p><p>"What do you expect me to say to that? Congratulations?" Kathryn said and threw her hands up.</p><p>"I wanted you to know," he said in his honeyed voice. Chakotay stepped closer and was right next to her chair "You didn't stop what happened last night, either. You could have anytime, Kathryn."</p><p>Chakotay leaned over and placed both hands on her armrests, trapping her. His eyes stared into her soul before he kissed her.</p><p>The door opened to her ready room and they split apart to see Mike standing there. He looked at the two of them, cleared his throat, and walked out.</p><p>Kathryn felt very hot and nauseous. She panicked. What now? She stood up and followed out of the ready room. What could she say? When she entered the turbolift she called for his location. She also noticed the time. It was their lunch time. Shit. How did that happen so quickly? How long had she and Chakotay been talking? When she made it to his quarters and she chimed and the doors opened.</p><p>Mike said, "You were late for lunch."</p><p>Kathryn came in and said, "Mike... that wasn't-"</p><p>"What it looked like?" he finished for her.</p><p>"Supposed to happen," she finished.</p><p>Mike said, "So what was supposed to happen?"</p><p>"Nothing! Chakotay was handing me reports and-"</p><p>"He fell into your lips."</p><p>Her mouth opened, trying to figure out what to say.</p><p>Another chimed sounded and Kathryn froze.</p><p>Ayala called, "Come."</p><p>Chakotay came in. Kathryn was held her breath.</p><p>"Chakotay," Mike said.</p><p>"It's my fault, Mike. Not hers. All of it. Last night. Everything," Chakotay said.</p><p>"Last night?" Mike asked.</p><p>Kathryn hung her head and placed her hand on her forehead. Chakotay's face dropped when he realized he said too much. Mike didn't know yet.</p><p>"I started it. What happened last night. The kiss today. She had no part of it, Mike."</p><p>"They say it takes two to tango," Mike said. "I thought you were with Seven, Chakotay! You said everything was fine. You had your chance. Apparently you knew we were together or else you wouldn't be here. Then you try to swoop in on Kathryn? You have sex with my girlfriend? Now she's suddenly interesting to you again? What, Seven wasn't enough?"</p><p>Kahtryn clenched her jaw and her face felt flushed. </p><p>"Mike, it's not like that."</p><p>"Isn't it?'</p><p>Kathryn couldn't bear it anymore. "That's it! I can't do this. I cannot allow this. We're still on duty, gentlemen. Mike, I'll save you the trouble of what you're going to say and say it's over. I mean, that's probably for the best after what has happened, right? Chakotay, go back to Seven or whatever. Stop whatever <em>this</em> is." She left as quickly as she had arrived and quickly made her way to the turbolift. As soon as the doors closed she leaned her head back against the wall. at least she had a moment to collect herself before returning to the bridge.</p><p> </p><p>The turblift opened at another deck and Seven came in.</p><p>"Captain," Seven greeted.</p><p>Kathryn curled her toes in tension. "Seven," she replied.</p><p>Kathryn wondered how much Seven knew but by the way she acted, it seemed that she knew nothing. Kathryn had enough guilt right now.</p><p>"Did you take a look at my report, captain?"</p><p>"I, uh, I'm sorry, Seven. I haven't been able to take a look at it. Chakotay still has it."</p><p>Seven gave a mix of a confused and saddened look. "Why does Chakotay have it?"</p><p>Kathryn said, "Something came up. It's probably on my desk right now."</p><p>The lift opened on the bridge and Seven said, "I need your response to make adjustments to the long-range sensors so we can on making improvements to astrometrics."</p><p>"Okay."</p><p>Seven added, "It will be needed to update our stellar cartography charts."</p><p>They entered her ready room.</p><p>Kathryn's tongue pressed against the ridges of her gritted teeth. "I. Understand."</p><p>"Also-"</p><p>"Seven. I get it! I will read the report. Stop breathing down my neck!" Kathryn barked at her.</p><p>Seven stared at her explosive state in silence until a yellow alert klaxon sounded.</p><p>"What now?" She simmered. Kathryn made her way to the bridge and looked at the viewscreen with several unfriendly ships coming towards their direction. She stepped up towards Tuvok's station.</p><p>"Report."</p><p>"They are not responding to our hails."</p><p>She made her way to the middle of the bridge and noticed that her commander was not there.</p><p>"This is Captain Janeway of the Federation Starship Voyager."</p><p>The ship was struck by a discharge which threw her to the ground and she quickly got back up.</p><p>"Shields down to eighty percent," Tuvok said.</p><p>The captain said, "Alien ship. We mean you no har-"</p><p>Kathryn's eyes suddenly went wide in shock and she stumbled back. She fell backwards and collapsed onto the deck. It happened so quickly. The obsidian and dagger-like shards seemed to pass through the bulkheads of their ship like air. She was gasping for breath as her hand touched the two shards sticking out from her upper chest.</p><p>"Captain!" She heard Harry yell.</p><p>Kathryn's chest burned as her voice rasped but said nothing. Another shock jolted the ship underneath her. Her hand went straight for her combadge but her hand ran into one of the shards and cut it. The blood covered her trembling hand. She shifted uncomfortably with a small whimper emanating from her mouth. The captain watched, helpless and immobile, as the ships break off into multiple ships on the viewscreen.</p><p>Kathryn saw Seven kneel down and order the transporter room beam her to sickbay but the transporter was down. She would have laughed at the nightmare in the front of her if it wasn't so pitiful.</p><p>"Kathryn!" She heard Chakotay yell. She saw Chakotay and Mike come into her vision and stood over her with deep concern on their faces.</p><p>"The transporters are not functioning," Seven said.</p><p>"I'll take her. You need to get us out of this mess," Mike said to Chakotay. Chakotay nodded but his eyes lingered on Kathryn.</p><p>Mike lifted her up as quickly and gently as he could and took her to the turbolift as orders were shouted across the bridge.</p><p>"This is a bit drastic for a breakup, don't you think?" Mike said after the doors closed.</p><p>She tried to smile but it hurt so much. She knew he was trying to keep her mood up even when she could see the deep worry on everyone's faces. The one people give when they think you're going to die.</p><p>He said "I wasn't planning on breaking up, you know."</p><p>She tried to raise her chin to look at him.</p><p>"Same," she barely whispered.</p><p>The turbolift opened and he quickly entered sickbay a few steps away.</p><p>"The captain is in critical condition, Doctor!" Ayala placed her on the surgical biobed while the Doctor hurried over from treating a scrape on another crewmember.</p><p>The Doctor said, "What are those? Console pieces?"</p><p>Ayala said "I don't know. They came through the shields and through the viewscreen from the alien ship."</p><p>Kathryn could tell that the Doctor was moving quickly but it appeared to be happening in slow motion.</p><p>"Hang on, captain. Just hang on," she heard from Mike.</p><p>Tears came down the outer corners of her eyes. Every time she breathed an agonizing pain spread through her upper body. She gripped the biobed and closed her eyes at the pain. Kathryn felt her body shake as she struggled to breathe. Mike grabbed onto her hand. The next thing she felt was a hypospray on her neck.</p><p> </p><p>...</p><p>Chakotay went to sickbay as soon as he was able to. He knew about the surgery and how long it took.</p><p>"How is she?" Chakotay asked when he came in.</p><p>"The pieces came out intact. The captain is resting but is still critical condition," the EMH said.</p><p>He gestured towards her biobed. "May I?"</p><p>"Yes. She won't be awake anytime soon. The surgery took five hours."</p><p>He nodded and walked over to Kathryn. The captain still had the surgical shell around her. The medical blanket covered all the way up her chest and exposed her shoulders. He remembered when she was in a similar state four years ago. The time when Seven was first brought on board.</p><p>Chakotay placed a hand on he shoulder. Kathryn has been injured before. Hell, she's switched from Borg and back. But this was this first time she's had an injury like this. Her skin was so very pale and sickly.</p><p>"She lost a lot of blood," the Doctor said, as if reading his mind. "The shards helped to hinder the bleeding but as soon the pieces were removed the blood came pouring out. The captain had to have a transfusion. It was lucky that Ayala had the same blood type. Sam donated as well."</p><p>"Yeah, it was lucky," he said and bit his lip and looked at the the rest of the the occupied biobeds. Mike must be in his quarters now after a transfusion of that magnitude.</p><p>The Doctor moved on to check on his other patients to give him some privacy. There were a few others who were hit by the shards and only received cuts to the arm or leg. Chakotay stroked a thumb on the edge of Kathryn's shoulder and thought of what happened earlier that day. Between the ready room and Mike's quarters he saw the shock, confusion, concern, frustration, despair, and hurt cross her face. Kathryn was right. He should have waited to talk. Why couldn't he?</p><p>'Because I was afraid. Afraid to let her slip through my fingers and continue a deeper relationship with Mike,' Chakotay thought.</p><p>In a low voice so others couldn't hear Chakotay said, "I didn't mean to cause more issues. I felt like I needed to step up and say what I said. I don't think I could've focused the rest of the day if I didn't. I hope you can forgive me for causing unintentional distress. I know you can't hear me right now but just please get better. Get well, Kathryn."</p><p> </p><p>...</p><p>Kathryn woke up with her eyelids feeling very thick and heavy on her eyes. She started to feel cold and shivered under the sickbay blanket that covered her.</p><p>"Here," a warm voice said and placed another blanket on her. The instant warmth settled the shivers and she breathed out and basked in the warmth. Kathryn licked her cracked lips and asked, "Ship...out of danger?" But it came out like pieces of gravel.</p><p>"Yes," Chakotay said.</p><p>She heard Chakotay continue to talk but the warmth of the blanket pulled her back to sleep once more.</p><p> </p><p>...</p><p>The next time she woke it was Mike who there.</p><p>"Hey, look who's awake," he said.</p><p>"Hmm," she said.</p><p>"...or maybe not fully awake."</p><p>Kathryn asked, "How long?"</p><p>"This is the third day you've been in sickbay."</p><p>"Who were they?" she mumbled.</p><p>"It wasn't a they, so to speak. The ships were actually artificial intelligence mines left from a forgotten war. That's why we couldn't communicate. The Rezali, a friendly alien species, helped us destroy the mines."</p><p>"Casualties?"</p><p>"You got the brunt of it. Others got some minor scrapes."</p><p>She tried to sit up but it strained her. Mike took hold of the slipping blankets and said, "Whoa, there captain, or you'll flash everyone."</p><p>She let out a weak smile. It was only him there besides the Doctor in his office.</p><p>"Unless that's what you were trying to do," Ayaka joked.</p><p>"You like it," Kathryn said as she laid back down, a little winded.</p><p>"Perhaps," he said, "and perhaps you'll change your mind about our relationship status."</p><p>She noticed that the top blanket looked like the one Chakotay had in his quarters as she adjusted her arms from between the layers.</p><p>"Well, if you don't want me to flash everyone, get me some clothes," Kathryn said to Mike, avoiding his last sentence. </p><p>"No bra," the Doctor said, "for at least for a week."</p><p>Both Mike and Kathryn looked puzzled at the Doctor's response. "It'll add too much strain to your chest," the EMH explained.</p><p>"I think you are just trying to make sure I don't leave," the captain said.</p><p>The Doctor said, "It will just while to adjust to your new heart."</p><p>Kathryn's face fell and she panicked. "New heart? What new heart, Doctor?!"</p><p>The Doctor, "You had heart and lung surgery. I had to replace your heart with an artificial one due to the damage that had been done."</p><p>She looked at Mike, whose facial expressions confirmed it.</p><p>"How could you?!" the captain shrieked at the Doctor, "You should have let me die on the table."</p><p>Both men were flabbergasted at her words. Kathryn wanted to throw up. Her head was swirling and she covered her eyes. This couldn't be happening.</p><p>The Doctor said, "Captain Picard has an artificial heart as well. You are not the only one, captain."</p><p>She started to cry. Kathryn felt like she couldn't help it. 'I have literally lost my heart,' she kept thinking.</p><p>"Shhh. It's okay, it's okay, Kathryn," Mike said and rubbed her arm.</p><p>The doors opened and a voice said, "What's the matter?"</p><p>"She just found about the heart. The Doc just dropped it on her without preparing her," Mike said.</p><p>Chakotay walked to the other side of the biobed. "It was the only way, Kathryn," he said and rubbed her other arm.</p><p>"A heart is a heart. It's still keeping you alive," Mike said, "It doesn't change anything."</p><p>"Doctor, Ayala, do you mind if the captain and I talk alone for a minute?" Chakotay asked.</p><p>They gave a nod and left the room.</p><p>"I know how you're feeling about this, Kathryn, but we couldn't lose you. One of the shards wedged itself into the left ventricle and it was too heavily damaged when it was taken out."</p><p>She muttered, "Probably looks like a Borg piece of technology."</p><p>"Actually, it looks pretty realistic," Chakotay said.</p><p>"That's good news," Kathryn said sarcastically. "I don't want anyone else to know, Chakotay. "</p><p>"It's a bit too late for that. You weren't the only one in sickbay."</p><p>"Damn!" she swore.</p><p>"Look Kathryn, it doesn't change how we look at you. We're just glad you are alive. Sam and Mike even had to donate blood to you while this mess was happening. You were a match."</p><p>Kathryn wiped her eyes and heard the double meaning in his words.</p><p>"Look. We talked and decided that when you feel better and are out of sickbay, we'll leave it up to you. I've been rash and jealous. I had to let you know how I felt... and I was afraid that if I didn't act that it would've been too late. If you decide you want Mike, I promise, truly promise, not to get in your way."</p><p>"Chakotay, you acted like a horny toad," she blurted out. She felt it was the drugs that made her say it out loud.</p><p>He laughed.</p><p>She continued, "It threw me off. Until recent weeks I thought we were just colleagues. You seemed to be distant and made it appear that we couldn't be friends. Then you come and declare your love while I was with Mike? It was a shock."</p><p>Chakotay explained, "In a way, I was. Our friendship was always more than friendship. If I was going to make a relationship with Seven work, I knew I had to be more professional but, of course, that backfired. I hurt you and our friendship suffered. Not to mention that Seven kept me to herself and overly critical. When I saw you with Mike I realized I wasn't really enjoying dating Seven and was just going through the motions. I think she even tried to compare herself to you. Seven told me she had a holoprogram of the two of us and 'practiced' on my holocharacter even before she asked me out. She realized she was not getting what she expected out of the relationship with me. Apparently she still used it while we were dating, even had sex with holocharacter when I couldn't give her that."</p><p>Kathryn blushed.</p><p>"I couldn't give her sex that night. Instead I gave it to you. "</p><p>Kathryn swallowed.</p><p>He added, "And I'll hold onto that memory forever."</p><p>There was a brief pause and Kathryn said, "Did she delete the character?"</p><p>"Yes. I also told her not to make any other programs unless they are fictional characters and it had to have B'Elanna's approval."</p><p>Kathryn nodded and said, "Chakotay...I do still have romantic feelings for you...and for Mike. I don't think I can choose between the two of you."</p><p>"So you broke up with both of us instead," Chakotay clarified.</p><p>She nodded.</p><p>"You could have both. One as a boyfriend and one a side lover," he teased.</p><p>Kathryn laughed and coughed. She placed a hand over her artifical heart. Chakotay was about to call the Doctor but she held a hand up to signal she just needed a breather with her sore, healing body.</p><p>"You almost sound like Tuvok," she said.</p><p>"Tuvok? He knows?" Chakotay asked.</p><p>She nodded. "He said something about how there is nothing in Federation law restricting polyamorous relationships. He even suggested I have less of a romantic and sex life than Vulcans! Can you believe it?"</p><p>"You are still talking about Tuvok, right?" Chakotay said with popped-out dimple.</p><p>Kathryn, "Yes, it was Tuvok, of all people. I told him it was out of the question."</p><p>"Why not?" Chakotay asked.</p><p>"Chakotay...humans don't usually go for that sort of thing."</p><p>"Different societies on Earth have practiced it. Even some native cultures," he defended.</p><p>"Now you're wearing your anthropological hat," Kathryn said.</p><p>"Why not?"</p><p>She smiled and debated internally and said, "That wouldn't work on this ship. Everyone would find out. I don't think Mike would agree to that, either. It's silly!"</p><p>"Are you so sure?"</p><p>She shook her head and rolled her eyes.</p><p>"I need to get some damn clothes. Doctor!" She called and avoided an answer.</p><p><br/>
....</p><p>Kathryn had been back on duty for two weeks. Her body was now used to her new heart and the repairs to her lungs, especially after the Doctor's physical therapy to recondition her. There would be a few times where it caught up with her and she needed a moment to breathe and get used to the artificial heart beat. Right now things between both lovesick men were in a neutral zone. Seven actually started dating Harry. The ship kept flying. Kathryn had the day off and she just recycled a book she just finished when the chime rang.</p><p>"Come in," Kathryn said and walked towards the door.</p><p>Chakotay and Ayala walked into her quarters.</p><p>"We've been talking," Chakotay said.</p><p>"Okay," she said with a questionable look and crossed her arms.</p><p>Mike said, "We'll do it."</p><p>Kathryn was confused. "Do what? What on Earth are you talking about?"</p><p>"You can have both of us as lovers," Mike said.</p><p>She guffawed and said, "You can't be serious."</p><p>The men looked at each other and nodded.</p><p>"But...no...we can't. It won't work," Kathryn stated.</p><p>"Why not?" Mike said.</p><p>She laughed at both the former Maquis XOs in her quarters. "It's ridiculous! This is ridiculous."</p><p>They walked closer to her and Mike said, "Just like the burnt marshmallows, don't knock it until you've tried it."</p><p>The men were now very close to her. Mike gave her a kiss on the cheek and Chakotay did as well.</p><p>Her cheeks burned and her mouth dropped. This couldn't be happening. Did she fall asleep with reading her book? She pinched herself. It was all real.</p><p>"I...I..." she stammered.</p><p>"Let us love you, Kathryn," Mike said</p><p>Mike nibbled on her ear and she felt Chakotay's mouth kissing the back of her neck. She let out a muffled sound escape her lips. Kathryn felt shirt peel in the back under Chakotay's textured hands. This was happening.</p><p>She let out a breath she was holding and Mike went for her mouth. Her hand placed itself onto Mike's chest. Chakotay now gave kisses along the spine of her neck and she couldn't help but give out a small moan. She felt Chakotay's hands on her waist from behind and Mike's hand in the strands of her hair. Kathryn could smell both men's scents intermix. Mike's other hand trailed under her shirt and so did Chakotay's, with his along her back. She could feel the goosebumps arise as they felt her skin. Mike's hand placed on her chest and she flinched. She had been self-conscious ever since the surgery and stepped back into Chakotay.</p><p>Mike had a concerned look and dropped his hands.</p><p>"Sorry. It's okay. I'm I just a little sensitive about it, still." Kathryn said. </p><p>Her first officer hummed into her ear, "Then let's make you feel more comfortable in your own skin." Chakotay's hands went around her and cupped her breasts gently into his hands awhile his lips pressed into her hair. Her eyes closed as she let out a sigh. She could feel herself melting at the touch and close proximity of both men. Men she loved and who loved her. She gave in. Kathryn's hands went backward to Chakotay's thigh and the back of his head. She placed her head back against his chest and craned her neck to the right. Chakotay placed his lips on the exposed flesh.</p><p>Kathryn realized something and straightened her head back up then said, "Computer, place a privacy lock on my quarters. Janeway-Pi-One-Apha."</p><p>'Privacy lock engaged,' the computer replied.</p><p>Mike pulled off her t-shirt and it fell the the ground. Kathryn moved her hands to Mike's uniform jacket and unfastened it. She tried to move it down his arms but he was too tall for her to shrug it off his shoulders. Mike did the rest and even took off his shirt. Kathryn turned around and she saw desire flaming in Chakotay's eyes. Chakotay kissed her on the lips. She almost fell into a puddle right then and there. Chakotay shrugged off his jacket and she helped him take his shirt off. She felt like it wasn't her doing these things. It was as if she was watching herself do these things in some sort of out-of-body experience. Her hands held Chakotay's bare shoulders and their mouths simmered. Mike took her shoes and socks off long after the men already kicked them their own off.</p><p>Her mind started get overwhelmed and it started to go into overdrive.</p><p>"Stop," she said.</p><p>The men stopped.</p><p>"Kathryn?" Mike said.</p><p>She bowed her head but her hands remained on Chakotay's shoulders as she closed her eyes.</p><p>"Are you alright?" Chakotay asked.</p><p>"Just a little overwhelmed. I need to catch my breath."</p><p>"You're shaking," Mike said, "Maybe some water will help."</p><p>Mike went over to the replicator and Chakotay brought her over to the couch and sat her down.</p><p>Mike came back with three waters and handed them out. She drank some of the water and put the glass down as they both stroked her back.</p><p>"How did you two come to this agreement? How would this work? Do we take turns?" She asked nervously. Both the men let out a small chuckle and Chakotay tugged his ear as they sat bare chested. He said, "Together."</p><p>"A threesome?" She asked shyly.</p><p>Mike said, "Yes."</p><p>She bit her lip and blushed. "I've never done that before."</p><p>"This is a first for us, too," Mike said.</p><p>"Are you both sure?" She looked at them.</p><p>"If you are sure," Chakotay replied.</p><p>Kathryn said, "I mean, we could do one at a time...oh, gosh, what am I saying? It sounds like I'm whoring you both out."</p><p>Both men laughed.</p><p>"No, you're not," Chakotay said. "We'll do whatever is comfortable. As long as it's equal and we agree."</p><p>"Exactly," Mike said, "If you don't want to do it that way, we can do it the way you said. Whooever starts must let the other finish."</p><p>"Okay," she said.</p><p>They looked at her and she said, "Okay. I'll do it. I trust you. I trust you both. I'm just a bit nervous but I'm fine."</p><p>They smiled and she smiled back. Mike and Chakotay stood up and offered their hands. She took them and stood. They moved away from the table and towards the bedroom.</p><p>Chakotay stroked her back as he came around in front of her. Mike also stood in front of her. Mike leaned in and kissed her as Chakotay kissed down her arm. Mike then kissed down her other arm as Chakotay took his place on her lips. Chakotay's lips trailed down to her bosom while Mike came behind her and unfastened her pants. Kathryn unfastened Chakotay's pants and Mike undid his own. She turned around and Mike shrugged her pants down as he did his. Chakotay took off his own and felt her ass before Mike slipped her bra straps off of her shoulder. They stepped out of their pants and moved towards the bed. They laid her down on the bed and laid down on each side of her. Both men's hands touched all over her body. Mike's hands moved down to her clit and began to stroke. Kathryn began to moan under his fingers. Chakotay unhooked her bra and slipped it off. He then suckled on her breasts, causing her to moan even more. Her hand rested on the back of Chakotay's head as the other rested on Mike's shoulder. Kathryn could feel the erections of both men swell beside her hips. Mike slid her panties down and placed his mouth down below. Kathryn didn't realize Mike slipped off his underwear until he entered her. Her head arched back and her hand clutched his back as the other found Chakotay's hand. After a while, Mike broke off of her and her body searched for the missing member. The men switched places and Chakotay pressed inside her. He was slightly bugger than Mike and she could feel herself stretch. Chakotay's hands grabbed her cheeks from under her and she let out a grunt. God, it felt good. So good. Mike granted her a kiss of the lips as he laid at her side. Chakotay flipped Kathryn and himself over to their sides. She felt Mike lift her buttcheek and slipped inside the tight hole of her behind. Kathryn gasped at the tightness.</p><p>"Are you alright?" Mike said.</p><p>She nodded.</p><p>Mike moved in slowly so her second hole could adjust. She was glad he had softened after being in her front and the roughness went away. Her leg wrapped around Chakotay's  waist as Mike started to thrust at a steady pace and Chakotay did as well. Her hand held onto Mike's naked thigh behind her. Her mind went numb at the different sensations. Chakotay's mouth joined hers and they kissed as both men slowly ebbed into her body. Kathryn angled her head back and angled her body to reach Mike's lips. Both men moaned at the shift of her position and they increased their thrusts. She knew she was at her brink as her walls clamped down and cried out when the orgasm came. Mike almost came at the same time and said her name into her shoulder blades. He kissed the back of her neck, slipped out, and got off the bed. Chakotay flipped Kathryn onto her back and wrapped her legs around his waist and thrusted. Kathryn felt another sensation brewing. Her thighs quivered as she screamed out her second orgasm. Chakotay cried out her name as he filled her. He kissed her forehead and murmured into her ear, "I love you."</p><p>She couldn't say it yet. To either of them. It didn't help that her mind was dizzy from the intimate activity they just had.</p><p> </p><p>The men showered separately since there wasn't room for all three. The men recycled their clothes and put on their boxers after their showers. Kathryn was still in her bath when they sat along its edge.</p><p>"So Chakotay, why do I have a feeling you've read about polyamorous relationships before you both came in here?" She said as she squeezed her sponge.</p><p>He chuckled and said, "How did you guess?"</p><p>Kathryn inquired, "How are these usually done?"</p><p>"Uh, there are different ways groups use. Usually there is an agreement about how it will work. It can also depend if the people in question live together. If they live together it's more of a communal type of lifestyle. There is the idea of actually being in more of a dating relationship than established ones. We've already gone through the first stage of agreeing to share. There can be individual dates with us as long as it is open between all three and that all have an equal chance. Then there can be a date with all three similar to tonight. The main thing is that nothing is secret and that it all remain open. No resentment. If there is a problem it needs to be discussed with all of us. "</p><p>Kathryn giggled.</p><p>"What?" Mike said, amused.</p><p>"I can't believe this. I feel like I'm going to wake up and this will all be a dream."</p><p>The men smiled and Chakotay's dimples popped.</p><p>She stood up and wrapped a towel around her. "Plus, can you imagine the look on Tom's face if he knew?"</p><p>They all laughed.</p><p>"Let's have some coffee and hash this out, shall we?" Kathryn said and headed out towards her bedroom.</p><p> </p><p>The end.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I do not own rights to Voyager. That's all CBS/Paramount, etc., etc.</p><p>The rough versions of this story were finished mid-September. Published the evening 10/08/2020 to be posted 10/09/2020.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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